Merry Christmas

Hey blog family... sorry I have been away so long. I just never realized how few hours there are in a day when you are working six days straight of 12-14 hour shifts! I am working until Friday, and then I can enjoy the New Year celebration without concern of unpaid insurance claims, mixed up medications, and customer servicce nightmares for at least three days. I wasn't able to do my grateful Wednesday this week, so I figured I would just tell you guys what I am thankful for this Christmas.
- another year of life
- the hospitality of others who were willing to share their holiday and their family with me
- a fresh new hairdo... yall KNOW a sister couldn't go into the new year with old hair!
- old friends with new conversation
- new friends who call just to see what you're doing and then spend an hour on the phone playing Truth or Dare
- busybodies who really don't mean any harm; they just want to know EVERYTHING that is going on in your life!
- grandmothers who get better with age
- the memory of a mother who just plain ROCKED!
- fathers who, despite their faults, really do try to look out for you
- growth and evolution. That old thorn in my side is GONE, and I have never felt better! So Merry Christmas to you too :)
- Serendipity because I think Kelly and I might be hitting them up on Friday... hear they have the best hot chocolate in town
- Dreamgirls, even though I have to wait until Saturday to see it :(

Christmas Tag

1. Egg nog or hot chocolate? I LOVE me some egg nog. Spiked or not, doesn't matter... LOVE IT!

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Santa? Who the hell is that guy? I haven't had a traditional Christmas like that in TOO long.

3. Colored lights or white lights on tree/house? Definitely white. My mommy always said that the colored ones were too busy, and as an adult, I tend to agree. In Jersey City they have wrapped the trees in these really beautiful periwinkle colored lights... those are cool too.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Always thought that was exclusively for white people. But hey, I am half white, so I guess I should start embracing that side of my heritage... bring on the 'toe!!

5. When do you put up your decorations? I don't, but if I did, I would probably wait until about two weeks before Christmas. Trees and lights the day after Thanksgiving is just a bit too overwhelming.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? My mommy's macaroni and cheese. Hands down.

7. Favorite childhood holiday memory. The year that I got four Cabbage Patch dolls at the same time. My neighborhood was BUZZIN!!!

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I really have no idea.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? As a child I never did. Now I really don't get gifts, so I never have the option.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? White lights and gold ribbons.

11. Snow: love it or dread it? Love to look at it, hate to drive in it.

12. Can you ice skate? I went ice skating in 2000 and tore two ligaments in my knee. Enough said?

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Not really. I was an only child, so it was always so special for me.

14. What’s the most important thing to you about the holidays? Making sure that I speak to the people who matter the most to me, no matter where they are in the world.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert?Egg nog.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? We didn't really do the tradition thing. But the family that i spend holidays with now has a spades tournament at every family gathering, and that is RAPIDLY becoming my favorite thing. They have a trophy and everything :)

17. What tops your tree? I don't have a tree, but if I did, probably nothing.

18. Which do you prefer: giving or receiving gifts? I love to give gits, but it has been a while since I've received anything.

19. What is your favorite Christmas song? "Oh Holy Night"

20. Favorite Christmas movie? A Christmas Story. That little boy is HILARIOUS!

Delayed Date Details

Sorry, guys... I wasn't intentionally leaving the few of you who care out of the loop, but I honestly forgot that I never posted the date details. So now that I have been on several, let me tell you about the first.

Background: I go to a church where the pastor and first lady are close family friends. "Lady B" as the church folk call her (and my second mother) has made it her personal mission to find a man for me ever since I moved to New Jersey. So unbeknownst to me, she and her husband had approached this man (who will henceforth and forever more be called "Bishop" because my friend Jen thinks it's hilarious that I'm seeing a church goer) and asked him if he would be willing to meet me. Apparently he said yes, so one night after Bible study, she introduced us. I had actually noticed him at the church before, but felt a little funny about it because whenever I saw him, he was on his way up to altar call. You know, nothing says "heathen" more than having lustful thoughts while others are throwing themsleves on the mercy of the Lord at the altar during 10:45 service. So we chatted for a bit and he gave me his business card. Now me (having NO game whatsoever), put the card in my purse and proceeded to forget all about it. The next Sunday, I was gathering my stuff together after the service when I looked up and saw him standing in the aisle by my pew. He asked me what I was doing that day and I said "nothing." So then he asked me if I wanted to have lunch with him. Wowwwwwwww. I almost passed out (but I was afraid it would be mistaken for a delayed catching of the Holy Ghost, so I remained erect), but I managed to say "sure" with a somewhat confident and composed look on my face.

The date: So I followed him to a restaurant not too far away (I actually don't remember what it's called because I was so nervous!!!). We both parked in the parking garage where he proceeded to let me have the space closest to the exit (okay, I see you with the manners!). When we were walking through the garage and out on the street, he insisted on walking on the outside so that he would be closest to the traffic, and when we got to the restaurant, he held the door, helped me with my coat, AND pulled my chair out for me (and they say chivalry is dead). When I got up to wash my hands after ordering, he stood up from the table, and when I got back, he stood up again until I was back in my seat. At this point, things are looking up... I am having brunch with a handsome, older man who is very well mannered and quite charming. We chatted about our lives while we waited for the food to come, and I realized something very early on: older men don't have time for all the game playing. Now this may not be true for ALL older men, but this one definitely doesn't. From the minute we started talking, he was very open and honest about his life and where he is right now. Not too long ago, he lost his wife (she died of an asthma attack - does it get any sadder than that?) and he has a 12-year-old daughter who lives with him. Five years ago, that would've had me making a mental note to delete his number from my cell phone. But I have realized something very important in the last few years: everybody has a past and everybody has a story. Some are more interesting than others, and some are less benign than others, but we all have something in our past that others might not want to deal with. So if this is a Black man who is living as a single father, taking care of his daughter while owning his own business and attending church on a regular basis, then I'm not going to be so quick to hit that delete button, ya know? I won't bore yall with every little detail about the lunch, but it really was a lot of fun. We went into the restaurant at 2:00 and didn't leave until close to 6:00 (and for the one who I KNOW is reading this and snickering to himself, no, it wasn't like THOSE four hours! We were still in the restaurant). As we were leaving, we were talking about movies, and I mentioned that I wanted to see the new Denzel Washington movie that was coming out the next week. He said, "Oh, we should go! Are you free Wednesday night?" Well, I guess that was my cue that the date was a success. He was already making plans with me to go out again, and I didn't even have to wait that anxious week or so for the next phone call! We got to my car where he gave me the money to pay for the parking garage (MANNERS.... LOVE THEM!), and he said that he had a really good time. I was very interested to see how he was going to handle the goodbye, so I lingered by the car door with a little more conversation. Finslly I made some comment about how it was getting cold, and I really should be getting home. So he leaned over and kissed my cheek, and then said that he would call me Tuesday night to talk about the movie on Wednesday. And just like that... he was gone. About five minutes later, he called to make sure that I knew where I was and wasn't having any problems getting home.... sweet. Then later that night he sent me a text message that said, "I enjoyed the brunch and your conversation very much. I look forward to the movies on Wednesday."

The end.

SIGH. I went on a date. Yeah! And it was fun. Really fun. And I didn't die! And I didn't do anything too stupid and embarrassing! So here is what I have decided that I like about him in the 25 days since that first date...

He's handsome. Really handsome. He's older than me which I thought I would never want again. After the fiance, I swore off all oder men because I was conviced that the only reason they wanted me was because they were going through a midlife crisis! Bishop is 37, and for the most part he acts his age. But every now and then I catch a glimpse of the twenty-something Bishop, and it's cute. He's considerate. He calls when he says he's going to call, and he doesn't when he knows that he doesn't plan to. He checks with me to make sure that I have gotten home safely and he always asks me if I remembered to set my alarm for work. He's funny. Yall know how I love a comedian! Bishop isn't funny in a Dave Chspelle sort of way, but he's funny in a "Aw... that's funny" kind of way. He makes me laugh when he is being silly, but everything he does isn't funny. He is in love with his daughter. He is a very stern father, but I can really tell how much he cares about her. Single fathers are sexy, especially when there's no baby mama drama! He goes to church. I never realized that I cared about that before, especially since before I moved here, my attendance was sketchy at best. But Bishop talks alot about how church has changed his life, and how his relationship with God has opened doors for him that otherwise would've remained closed. I like to listen to him talk about his walk because it makes me more hopeful about my own. He loved his wife. I mean he REALLY loved his wife. He mentions her from time to time, and I can always tell how strongly he felt about her. He is still close to her mother (she lives nearby), and he still carries their wedding picture in his wallet. I would've been bothered by that, but I look at it like this: if I were married and then suddenly lost my husband, I can't IMAGINE how long it would take for me to remove that last piece of him from my everyday life. He talks sometimes about how hard it has been because he felt like he had finally learned how to be in a relationship and be the kind of husband that he should be. He was opening himself up to someone and allowing himself to completely share his life with her when he blinked and she was gone. Plus, he wanted to have more children and when his wife died, she was pregnant, so that was a double blow. I guess Bishop is not the kind of man I would've ever chosen to go after if I had known his story beforehand. But even though I didn't know about it, someone was trying to pull us together. Only he knows whether or not he is ready to move past his grief over losing his wife and look at another woman in a potential dating situation. But time will tell, I guess... for now, the brunch was fun. The movies was a good time (even though the actual film was a bit of a disappointment). More dates? Stay tuned...

Grateful Wednesday (Just on Thursday!)

Sorry guys... this new job has got me ALL to pieces lately, and I completely forgot to post yesterday. So this week, I am grateful for...

- Christmas being in a few days. Even though it's not the same anymore since I'm not a kid and my family is so far away, I still get mildly excited about the holiday.
- Pay day after I worked 50 hours. I have soooooooo many bills it is ridiculous.
- Puppies. My friend just got a new dog for his daughter, and he is sooooo cute :)
- Finding out that those who were always judging you have actually fallen a little short their damn selves. Karma's a bitch.
- Finding the money in my bank account to get a full tank of gas tonight before I ended up pushing my car over the Pulaski Skyway.
- Tasha finding an opening for me to get my hair done back home before Christmas, cuz my kitchen is ON FIRE!!!!
- 60 degree days in the middle of December (even though my friend SWEARS that it's influenza weather)
- Other peoples' blogs because they keep me up to date... I have really been slacking lately, but I am trying to do better.

Happy holidays blog la familia!!!!!

Grateful Wednesday

Although it is still a little early and I am procrastinating on getting ready for work, I decided to get my grateful list down first. Today I am grateful for
- Honesty.
- Having a job to go to even if it does involve standing on your feet for 12 hours straight.
- Having hair on my head even if I am ready to go INSANE waiting for the back to grow out!
- Tomorrow being my mother's birthday. Even though she isn't here with me anymore, it always gives me a whole day just to sit and remember what a phenomenal person she was.
- Season Five of 24 being out on DVD FINALLY even though I am so broke that it will be next week before I can cop that!
- First dates (and yes, I will eventually give you those details, I promise).
- The ability to recover from unexpected news with style and grace.
- I can't remember when I got the results in the mail, but I think it was after last Wednesday, so today I am grateful for passing the NAPLEX and being one step closer to getting my pharmacist license.
- Being the subject of conversation at the Hampton University Alumni Reception at ASHP in Anaheim. I LOVE having haters :)
- Trish's example... she's gone now, but I still read her stuff and learn something different every day.
- Strong Black fathers who take care of their responsibilities because they WANT to and not because they were ordered to.
- Friendship.

Well I NEVER!!!

I got this from Terrance, so if you don't like it, send him the hate mail, NOT ME!!! But I think it's pretty cool, so PLEASE participate or else I look like the lame-o with no blogger friends :)

You ever played that drinking game called "I Never" (reference an old episode of Girlfriends where Joan had never gone to a nude beach, so they all went and she ran into her DAD!!!)? Basically, you say something you never have done, and if the people playing with you have done it, they have to take a drink. I wanna try something a little different on the blog. I am going to say something that I have never done and if you have done it then I need you either to tell us about it on your blog or in the comments section. Please be sure to let us know that you posted about it. Also, once you have answered truthfully, it is your turn to say something you have never done. It'll be either fun, or incredibly annoying. I'll start off with 3 things I have never done. Let's see how far we can spread this across the blog community.

I never had a one night stand.

I never went to Africa.

I never skinnydipped.

If you did it, tell us all about it. And then give me an "I Never" and I will write about them later in the week. Have fun!!!!

Celebrate Good Times, COME ON!!!!!!!!!

Well, well, well.... the long awaited NAPLEX results have arrived, and I, friends and neighbors, HAVE PASSED!!! Goody gumdrops and all that other stuff. NAPLEX, done. Nest up is the New Jersey law exam. And then.... I'm done.

The Centennial

Hey yall... I am soliciting ideas for my 100th post (this is #92). Seems like I should write about something meaningful and deep to commemorate the occasion, but I do that on any regular day (I think!). Any ideas??????

Transitions, Part 2

Life is so full of changes. Some good, some bad, but all changes. The other day I was talking about Trish and how she had made her transition. I really don't want to speak too much more on that because it is such a blow to me even though I hardly knew her at all.

I initially named my last post "Part 1" because I was going somewhere in particular for the second part. But I think I'll wait a while. Marinate on it for a minute and then get back to yall when my mind is right. In the meantime, it is Wednesday and I am grateful for...

- God and the miracles He continues to show me in my life as well as the lives of others.
- The idea that such a beautiful spirit has made her way home into a life of love, happiness, and no more pain.
- That 2004 Lexus GX or $31,000 even though it was already sold to someone else. That truck was beautiful and it renewed my faith that maybe I too can find a great deal in time for that big snow storm this winter.
- Teasing.
- Finally getting through to someone I care about so much. I just hope that my words came out the way I intended them to: as concern and love, not preaching and teaching.
- Being asked out on a date. It hhas been so long that I was starting to think that I muct have a third eye in the middle of my head that is only visible to people of the opposite sex.
- Growth and maturity. I can really see a change in myself with every day that goes by, and I am starting to like what I see.

God's blessings guys....

Transitions, Part 1

I'm so sad tonight, guys... one of favorite bloggers finally found peace for her beautiful mind and lost her battle to leukemia yesterday. I never met her, we never even talked on the phone or through the Internet. But the few messages she shared on my blog and the words I read on hers touched me in a strangley powerful way. So rest in peace Trish... my heart goes out to your family, and especially your beautiful fat baby :) Go with God.

A.M. Randomness Stolen As Usual

The Rules:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...

Opening Credits: "Bad Habit" Destiny's Child - DAMN!!! This is already starting to ring true!

Waking Up: "Shut Up Bitch Intro" Money Mike - HELL YEAH!!!!!!!! I love this game!!!! "It's Queen B, bitch! Not pawn, not rook, not knight... it's QUEEN!! This is what you're doin, and this is what I NEED you to be doin!"

First Day At School: "Watching Me" Jill Scott - Okay, this is getting a little freaky. I SWEAR that I'm not cheating, but the stars must be perfectly aligned right now

Falling In Love: "The Battle Is Not Yours" Yolanda Adams - Heh heh heh. Wish I had learned THAT lesson a long time ago!!

Fight Song: "Holy Holy Holy" Donnie McClurkin. I got nothin here.....

Breaking Up: "The One I Gave My Heart To" Aaliyah - Well, the title says it all, now doesn't it?

Prom: "Gift From Virgo" Beyonce - Not MY prom, but maybe somewhere...

Life is Good: "Oochie Coochie La La La" MC Brains - SHUT THE HELL UP!! This was freshman year in high school 1991. SIGH.... nah, fuck that.... awwwwwww yeahhhhhh!!!!!!!!! "Oochie coochie la la la. I am the Brains and I'm up to par!"

Mental Breakdown: "In A Sentimental Mood" Duke Ellington and John Coltrane - I LOVE this song.

Driving: "Get Your Number" Mariah Crey and Jermaine Dupri. Whatever.

Flashback: "The Panties" Mos Def - Uh, flash back to WHAT exactly with this song??

Getting Back Together: "We Fall Down" Donnie McClurkin - Okay Brother Donnie, I get it. I TOO can morph into someone else.

Wedding: "Everthing is Everything" Lauryn Hill - Good to hear this again!

Birth of Child: "Love" Destiny's Child.

Final Battle: "Nuttin But Love" Heavy D - Maybe at the end of the battle when I beat that bitch's ass??????

Funeral Song: "Foolish" Ashanti - Damn. And I started out so strong! Well, I have been a bit of a fool in my day, so maybe this is appropriate.

End Credits: "Inside My Love" Tina Broussard - Since I'm so damn lovestruck, I guess this is cool.

**I stole this one too. I figured since I'm already JAMMIN in here at 1:18 a.m., I may as well keep the party goin!**

Musical Shares (
1. How does the world see me? "Baby" Ashanti - I always loved this song, but a baby? Uh, okay.

2. Will I have a happy life? "Rollin With Kid 'N Play" Kid 'N Play - Hola hola heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Yeah, that was pretty lame.

3. What do my friends really think of me? "Caught Up" Usher - Yeah, they really do know me!

4. Do people secretly lust after me? "Jump" Kriss Kross - Again, I got nothin.

5. How can I make myself happy? "Nasty Girl" Vanity 6 - Wellllll.....

6. What should I do with my life? "Family Reunion" Jill Scott - Funny thing is that recently I have been thinking about finding my biological family. Hmm...

7. What is some good advice for me? "Hold Me Down" Danity Kane

8. How will I be remembered? "Miseducation of Lauryn Hill" Lauryn Hill - "Every time I tried to be what someone else thought of me. I wasn't able to achieve." At least that what I think about mysef.

9. What is my signature dancing song? "Unchain My Heart" Ray Charles - I probably could've held it down back in the day!

10. What do I think my current theme song is? "I Don't Mean It" R. Kelly - I told yall before, love is when you hang up the phone and find a reason to call right back.

11. What does everyone else think my current theme song is? "All Falls Down" Kane West

12. What song will play at my funeral? "In The Rain" XScape - God, I hope not.

13. What type of women do I like? First of all, I prefer men, but I got "Trapped in the Closet Chapter 10" R. Kelly - "Now the midget jumps out of the closet and the policemam stubs his toe." ENough said.

14. What is my day going to be like? "I Can't Wait" Sleepy Brown - Me either. LMAO.

Happy Turkey Day

SIGH. I love him. LOVE HIM. I just finished watching yesterday's 106th and Park with Jay-Z, and it's official: I love him. I never really paid too much attention to Jay before. I've heard all the singles, know most of the words. But the B sides, the random albums, the ones that only the TRUE Hov fans have, I'd never heard of them. But today, I'm on the bandwagon. That new album is FIYAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! And he actually had something to say during the interview about stuff other than music. So go out and BUY that Kingdom Come; it's FANTASTIC.

So you know what it is; time for giving thanks. This is a special one since Thanksgiving is tomorrow, so I'ma dig deep. I am grateful for...

- Introductions.
- Memories of the life I had before.
- Glimpses of the life I have in store for me.
- Bernetta, Therman, Tyffani, Karen, and Gladys
- God's grace and His assurance that no matter what, he has something bigger in store for me than even I can imagine.
- Text messages.
- The progress I have made since last year this time.
- Grateful patients.
- The fact that my new job pays the bills.
- The fact that I FINALLY took the NAPLEX and realized that it was HIGHLY overrated.
- So many other things that I would be here all day trying to put them all down, so... HAPPY THANKSGIVING, YALL!!!!!!

Colorgenics Profile

I'm stalling on leaving for the city this morning because what's waiting for me at 1 Penn Plaza is none too nice! So I decided to do this personality profile that It Was Written shared with me. Wow, it's amazing how accurate this was - as Rashan put it, almost like an FBI profile! SIGH. I guess right about now my picture is up on the plasma screen in George Dubya's Oval Office. DAMMIT.

At this particular time, you are feeling that you are or were unjustly and undeservedly treated and/or betrayed in your hopes and dreams. You feel that everything is against you. But look on the bright side for you are, whether you believe it or not, a survivor.

For some time now you have been feeling rather insecure. You are looking for - and needing - an environment that can offer you roots, stability and a position that will relieve you of excess tension and stress.

You have a high opinion of yourself. It is perhaps because of this self-centredness that you become exasperated when you feel that your needs are misinterpreted by those around you. When this happens - and it does quite often - you feel that there is no-one that can understand the way you feel and it is because of this egocentric self that you are quick to take offence.

At this moment in time you feel as if you have lost the strength of will to contend with existing problems and difficulties which appear to you as deliberate opposition. You are trying to stand your ground but the pressures are intolerable. You would like some co-operation from those around you but it's not forthcoming so you feel that, in its absence, there is nothing you can do to improve the current situation. You would like nothing better than to 'get away from it all'.

Be it through unfulfilled emotional requirements, whatever the circumstances you are experiencing considerable stress, be it mental or physical. To your credit you are attempting to escape from this by endeavouring to create a semblance of peace and serenity by refusing to allow yourself to be involved. You have the strength to 'pull through' and all indications are that you will... perhaps sooner than you even believed possible.

Realization of a Realism

This is for you, Jameil because you tried to play me for not posting in seven days. But mostly it's for me because... well, just because.

"Thank You! No, thank YOU!!!"
Thank you. No, really. Seriously. THANK YOU. I never realized that you could be so mean. I never realized that you could be so childish. I never realized that you could be so unfeeling and unaware. Thank you. Thank you for showing me what you look like after the love and life and laughter has been stripped away. Thank you for showing me that friendship doesn't look like you. Thank you for showing me that love doesn't live here anymore. Thank you for telling me about the guitar. Thank you for using the word "love" in the story. Thank you for asking you sister to be the bad guy. Thank you for revealing the truth: that underneath all of the inside jokes, and completed sentences, and shared experiences, and mind reading, that we are nothing anymore. I am nothing to you. You are nothing to me. Well, that's not true. You are my lesson. You are my revelation. You are my burden. You are my baggage. You are my story. You are my sadness. Thank you for that. Thank you for making me start every sentence with, "I remember when." Thank you for living so far away so I won't be tempted to visit. Thank you for not returning my phone calls so I won't say something that I'll regret later. Thank you for seeing me on MSN Messenger and changing your status to "away." Thank you for laughing when you tell your friends about the games you play. Thank you for not noticing the quiver in my voice when I laughed about stepping up my game. Thank you for making me question my worth and doubt my significance. Thank you for painting our future and then selling it to the highest bidder. Thank you for giving me just enough to trick me into thinking that you'll be back. And then disappearing. Forever. Thank you for sugarcoating shit. Thank you for not calling me when I graduated from pharmacy school, but bothering to call me for my birthday. Thank you for spending 10 whole days with me and then when I get home on the 11th, telling me it's over. Thank you soooooo much.

But I guess I shouldn't make it seem all bad. Thank you for showing me how to say "I love you" because I meant it and not because someone else said it first. Thank you for teaching me that confidence is a necessity. Thank you for introducing me to a family full of love and light when I needed it most. Thank you for driving four hours just to sleep on my couch and then go home the next day. Thank you for surprising me after church because you thought it would make me smile. Thank you for the vacuum cleaner. Thank you for the Omni Championsgate. Thank you for Busch Gardens Tampa and for admitting that you were scared of the Superman roller coaster. Thank you for Thanksgiving at Nags Head and New Year's at your cousin's. Thank you for bringing me out of the darkness into the light. Thank you for allowing me to catch a glimpse of what true happiness looks like. Thank you for showing me the future even if you're not in it.

But either way, I've been defeated. By you. And sadly, I never saw that coming. I never thought that you would or even could defeat me. But you have. So thank you. For nothing.

Grateful Wednesday

Sorry for the lateness of this post, but I worked all day toay and just got off my feet for the first time since 9:00 a.m. But I digress... I am grateful for...
- Morning Star Community Christian Center and the spirit that moved me to join last Sunday
- Reverend and First Lady Therman Evans
- CVS (even though I wish they would pay me a few more dollars!)
- My new Pumas, cause my body is SCREAMING after standing on my feet all day!
- My grandmother, the superstar. Just because...
- People with beautiful minds who continue to inspire me even though they have never and might not ever even see my face
- You because even though I thought you would laugh at me, you didn't because you knew that I was afraid and might not be able to hande it
- You even though you Indian gave me an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner... it's all good, though!
- 40 hours a week because I'm headed to Vegas in February!
- Tomorrow at 1:30 because do or die, that's when it all goes down
- Every day that goes by that allows me to see I can live without you and still be happy
- Kimora Lee Simmons... she's so damn fabulous!
- The opportunity to start a new chapter in my life that is hopefully better than all of the ones that came before it
- You for showing me who you really are. You're selfish and immature and silly and even a little spiteful. You cause pain because you don't know how else to relate to me anymore. But know that I understand you and have come to the realization that what I have been praying for has been the wrong thing and that's why He hasn't given it to me. So thank you for being you and thank God for showing eme who that is.

I LOVE When This Happens!!

I was reading Isis' blog tonight (check her out, yall) and I found this. I love it. Period. love it, love it, LOVE IT!!! I was JUST making this point the other day :)

Untitled
when people see me walking down the street
they mutter to themselves..

"she's too much .. I can't talk to her"
"she think's she's all of that"
"hmph.. look at her"

but just like a book .. located high on a shelf
if you never dare to open the cover
to curl up in a corner .. draw your feet up on the couch
and carress the delicate pages that are held within .. the hard exterior

one will never truly get to experience just how exquisite
.. profound
.. ethereal
.. surreal
just how good it really can be ..
unless. ..

you take the time
to reach high up
and select the book that you once figured was out of your grasp
and actually realized
it was exactly what you were looking for.

-Isis

I Almost Forgot

Hey yall... I almost zoned out on the fact that today is Wednesday, and therefore time for anotherpost full of gratefuls, so here we go. I am grateful for:
- my stylist having an opening today at 2:30 cause my hair was BEAT!
- no one else being the salon, so I was out by 4:00
- the patience that kept me from chasing that motherf7$#ker who sprayed me with HIV-infected street water this morning on the cornerof 57th and 9th
- my new job
- the fact that my employees are acting like assholes, therefore maiing it THAT much easier to walk away
- surrogate parents
- another one of my classmates biting the dust and keep me out of the gossip mill
- 20% off coupons at Ulta so I could get that cool new shampoo and conditioner
- Donald Rumsfeld FINALLY coming to his dumb ass senses
- dad's half of the rent
- Thanksgiving
- the chance of seeing you, even if only for a few minutes
- another Wednesday

Oh yeah... my friends Nikki and Piper (yes, Jarrod... your beloved Piper!) were captured by The Sartorialist the other day in the post "New York City Marathon 2006 Pt. 2." They're in the last picture as the Cheerleaders of Brooklyn... hey guys :)

Last Love Post... I Promise!

A long time ago someone (and I apologize for not remembering who it was) was asking how you know when you're in love. And then just the other day, Stacie brought up a similar subject. So it reminded me of the post I promised to put up ages ago and never did. What is love and how do you know when you're in it. Well, to me...

Love lives. It is active and strong and creative and slightly sneaky. It knows just when to come around, but funny how it never knows when to leave. Love is selfless and generous. Love is both peaceful and tumultuous. Love is patient and safe. Love can take your breath away and then give it back so that you can fly. Love is a thief. It steals your time and your thoughts and your energy and your sanity and your will and your heart. But it gives you safety and peace and comfort and satisfaction and stability. I love love. I live for love. I trust love. I need love. I want love.

You know you're in love when.... you wake up in the middle of the night just to smile at something he said earlier in the day. You hang up the phone and search for a reason to call right back. You look at him looking at you looking at him. And then you say, "Nothing." You reach over to touch his arm just to remind yourself that he isn't a figment of your imagination. You are angry but it doesn't matter because no matter what, there is a lesson behind it. Your worst day with him is better than your BEST day with anyone else. He gets you. He laughs at you. He laughs with you. He points out your mistakes, but he also tells you how to make them better. You love his walk. You love his smile. You love that face he makes when you're telling yet another one of your "can you believe this shit?" stories even though he has heard them all before. He is beautiful. Not just beautiful in the physical, but beautiful in the ways that matter. You think he's sexy in his flannel pajamas and favorite white tee. You love the way he breathes that "mannnn....." when he first settles into you. You imagine your life without him in it and you have to sit down. You say that you'd be okay if it doesn't work out as long as you can still be friends... and you mean it. You ask him if he thinks that girl is pretty, he says yes, and you say, "me too." You love him because he loves you. That's what it is and that's how you know.

Don't Be Afraid

Don't be afraid. You'll be fine. You'll be better than fine, you'll be great. No, you'll be better than great. You'll be happy. And after all, isn't that what you want? I know you think you're not ready. I know you think you're too young. I know you think it isn't time. I know you think it will mean the end of an era. But it won't. Don't be afraid. Even though all the storybooks say different, the stars will never be perfectly aligned. There will never be a time when you feel that everything is perfect. Why deny yourself something that could change your life because you're afraid? Why not just do it? Isn't it easier to focus when you're happy? Isn't it easier to struggle when you're not alone? I know, I know. Choices are fun too. Options keep it light. The grass is always greener on the other side, right? Well, maybe you're right. But I don't think so. Sometimes even the hurt is bearable if you can look back on the joy that brought you there. Sometimes even an unhappy ending is worth the lessons learned in the process. Sometimes it's just better to be brave. You have so much to give. You have such a light inside of you. Your smile, your heart, your humor, your intelligence, your warmth, your reality (yes, even your reality). It's enough, really it is. Don't think of it as an extra burden to carry. It really can make it easier. I promise. I've been there before. And also, remember this. It doesn't matter who. It only matters that you're not afraid. You can do it. You can do it well. So take a deep breath. And then jump. Don't be afraid.

Calling All Hair Stylists

Hey guys... I am trying to find a good hair salon in the New Jersey/New York area. I really want a place with a stylist who can cut AND style because I have this new haircut, and I need to be able to maintain it between trips back to VA. SO if anyone can recommend a good (and I mean GOOD because I am FUNNY about my hair!) stylist and salon in the area, please send me the information. I just don't see myself being able to keep this cut looking good without the help of a professional. And don't recommend the Dominicans - I know they're good (and cheap), but I have next to no hair on my head, and I do NOT want to leave looking like Beaker with a blowout. Thanks...

Where Is All This Coming From?

Someone has been blogging about their grandmother who is very ill, and it brought back some memories of how I spent my mom's last few months with her. That led to this... I feel almost like I should apologize because it is so much for a Thursday afternoon. But it is what it is.

She loved me especially special. She looked at me all the time, but I used to think she never saw me. We argued. We screamed. We gave each other the silent treatment (well, actually she gave it to me!). But then she would get bored of having no one to talk to in the house, and we were back to normal again. She loved me in spite of. She loved me because of. She loved me in addition to. She loved me regardless of. She just loved me. And I loved her.

Dr. SFWW. I remember the day she told me that she had cancer and that the doctors weren't especially hopeful. I ran. Up the stairs, out the back door, into the garage until I was stopped by my granmother's slow ass garage door. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak. When I came back in, I took one look at her and realized that I had to pull it together. I had to save her. I held her face in my hands and said, "Tell me what you want me to do. I am here for you. We will be alright." I believed that in that moment, but she didn't. She had seen the CT scans, the lab reports, the blood levels, the xrays, the doctors' faces. She had sat through the chemotherapy sessions, the examinations, the second opinions. She knew better. But she loved me. And so she said, "Okay. You and me. We will do this together." She was so strong, so courageous, so beautiful, so worried, so in love. With me.

Months came and went. She was better. She was worse. She was better. She was much worse. April 2003. She left me. She thought that I would be better off if she moved back home with her parents so that I could focus on my school work. All I wanted to do was take care of her. Help her. Hold her hand. Love her. Before that, I would drive over to her house and crawl into bed beside her. She would sleep, and I would prop myself up on one elbow just to make sure she hadn't stopped breathing. I would encourage her to take her medication and run to the store for Dairy Queen milkshakes when she wouldn't touch anything else. I would watch silly sitcoms and Sunday morning gospel shows and Lifetime movies and Chris Tucker (she LOVED Chris Tucker) with her on the left side and me on the right. When she said she was hungry but only wanted a spoonful of mashed potatoes and three or four string beans, I would drive to Golden Corral and get JUST that because I knew if it were any more, she wouldn't touch it. I would jerk awake in the middle of the night when I heard the phone rang because I knew it was her calling to beg me to come over. And then she left.

When my grandmother drove away and I saw the back of my mother's head in the bakseat of the Cadillac, I knew that she would never be home again. She cried and begged us to let her go. She was in so much pain. But she was in so much more worry. Worry for me. How would I cope? How would I move on? Would I drop out of school? Would I need help? Would I thrive? Would I survive? She loved me. She lived for me. Even when I told her to go because I knew she was ready, she lived for me. She ached for me. She struggled for me. She choked for me. She went blind for me. She lost weight for me. She lost her hair for me. Because I couldn't let her go. Because I was still that same little girl who couldn't survie the silent treatments. She loved me.

And then the hurricane came. Isabel. September 17, 2003. I decided to go to North Carolina to see her becuse it had been a few weeks. I wasn't worried about the hurricane, but it was the perfect excuse. I brought my books so she wouldn't be angry with me for leaving my school work. I got there at 10:00 p.m. Wednesday night. I walked to the back of the house where she was sleeping and I screamed. I dropped my purse and I ran. Again. Out of the back door, into the garage. Only this time, that slow ass door was open, and I ran out into the night and the rain. Where did she go? Who was that person in that bed with my mother's feet and hands but not her face or voice or eyes or hair or light or life? I knew it then. It was time. She was leaving. She couldn't do it for me anymore. And I couldn't ask her to. I went back in and laid on the bed beside her. Me on the right side, her on the left. And I talked. And I laughed. And I gossiped. And I cried. And I remembered. And I loved her. I loved her. I loved her. I loved her. I loved her. And then it was morning. September 18, 2003.

She was breathing. Slowly, raggedly. I spoke so she would know I was there. I pulled out my Med Chem notes and studied for my test. Well, not really. Just a show for the schoolteacher who rested within her tired body. I said that I loved her and that if she was ready, then so was I. If she was ready to leave, then I was ready to say goodbye. If she couldn't fight anymore, then I would stop fighting too. Then I must have fallen asleep because I felt someone shaking my arm. I opened my eyes, but no one was there. She couldn't move, so it wasn't her. No one was there. No one was there. I looked at her. I said, "Mommy I'm here. You're not alone. I love you. Please go." She sighed. And then she did. She went. But I didn't. I'm here. But she's not.

Dr. Sharon Faye White-Williams. What an experience. What a woman. Strong. Beautiful. Lovely. Generous. Kind. Warm. Loving. Brilliant. Fabulous. I loved her. And she loved me.

Grateful Wednesdays

Here I go again... I told yall that there would be multiple blogs today :) But the up side is that it is almost 3:00, so I should be gone soon. I originally got this from Trish's blog (who has since decided to stop blogging), but then I saw it done again by Honey Libra. I think that it is a wonderful idea to stop and take at least a few minutes to articulate what you are grateful for - even if it is only once a week. So here is mine: this Wednesday, I am grateful for..
- being alive.
- getting ready to start a new job.
- the simplicity of my dog waking me up in the morning - reminds me that the more things change, the more they stay the same.
- the fact that the opera singing pharmacist is working in one of the satellite pharmacies today!
- the 25 years that I spent with my mother and the lifetime that I will spend remembering her.
- vision to see the haircut that I really don't like, but am willing to deal with anyway.
- the feeling I get in the pit of my stomach whenever you call.
- the new Robin Thicke CD because it makes me feel so warm and comfy after a day of craziness here.
- life, mine and others'.
- love. The friend kind and the lover kind. And sometimes even the kind that you can't classify.
- February 14, 2004 to July 17, 2005.
- the gift of the written word.

You're Not Mine, So Never Mind

This is going to be one of those days where every time something comes to mind, I am going to post a new blog. These last few days at my job have relieved me of ALL responsibility to do any work, but I still feel like I have to be here just in case they decide to mess with my last paycheck. This is something that I wrote a little while ago. For all of you detectives out there, it doesn't apply to any one person in particular (although I can see how you might think that it does given the last few posts), so don't get too excited. I'm just trying to do better with my writing.

Who do you love? Do you love me because you think I'm beautiful? Do you love me because I give and I give and I give and I give... until you have everything and I have nothing? Do you love me? Or do you love the woman you think that I am? Do you love me? Or do you love the woman that you want me to be? Do you love me? Or are you just afraid that the one you love won't love you? When you say that I'm beautiful, do you mean on the inside? When you look at me, do you look past the fashion and the makeup to the woman inside? Do you see my heart that is bursting with feelings for you? Do you see my soul that is looking for its counterpart in you? Do you see the little girl who is afraid of being abandoned and just wants to be loved? Or when you look at me, do you just see what you can see with your eyes? Do you think that I am beautiful as in "lovely," or beautiful as in "pretty." And do you see the difference?

Do you understand that I love you? Do you know that I want to be with you? Can you feel me thinking about you when you are in that quiet place just before your eyes close for the night? When you look at her, do you see me? When you look at her, do you think of how I look? When you touch her, do you remember what it was like to lay beside me with my head on your chest? When she places her hand on the back of your neck, do you remember when I used to lay on the couch with your head in my lap? When you hear a funny joke, do you wonder if I would laugh too? Do you even remember what my laugh sounds like? When you say something funny that only I would understand, do you try to explain, or do you just smile to yourself and change the subject?

When you lower yourself into her with only the light of the moon to show you that you are not alone, do you remember what it was like with me? Do you remember how I used to run my nails lightly along the inside of your thighs until you would beg me to stop? Do you remember how shy I was for so long that I wouldn't even let you turn on the lights? When you look down and see the top of her head as she licks the last of you off her lips, do you remember me? Can you smell my perfume? Can you hear my breathing? Can you feel my legs wrapped around your waist as I try to make it last just one more second so we can orgasm together? Or is she better than me? Does she make you feel like your head is in the clouds and your body is on another plane? Does she make your toes curl up because you are trying so hard not to cry out and seem like you lost the battle?

These are the things that I wonder sometimes. And then I realize that they don't matter. Because none of it will change how I feel about you. I crave you. I miss you. I dream about you. I long for you. I smell you. I hear you. I want you. I love you. Sigh. But you're not mine, so never mind.

Yall Know That Red Fish That You Put in The Water and It Grows???

**So sorry guys, but I had to delete this post**

Due to the UNUSUAL amount of drama that this post created when it was first posted yesterday, I have made the executive decision to delete it from my blog. If you already read it, then you probably are familiar with the story. I just want to say, however, that I never intended to hurt anyone's feelings or step on anyone's toes. And I certainly wasn't trying to put anyone's business in the street. So, again: sorry for any misunderstandings.

Rambling Thoughts that Occur to Me JUST Before It's Time To Go Home

Question #1: Is it really possible that men don't know when they have a soulmate? You know that one girl that they claim is "just a homegirl," but who YOU know is just one conversation away from being "the one" for him? I was having this conversation last night, and I backed off of it because I didn't want to push the guy STRAIGHT into the arms of the girl so that they could have "the conversation." I guess I just think that if they talk - I mean REALLY talk - then he will go from "I'm not really ready to be in a relationship with ANYBODY right now" to "I am so glad that we finally talked, and I can't wait to be with you." SIGH... what will be will be, I guess.

Question #2: Does anyone ever REALLY have secrets? I mean things about them that NOBODY knows... I think it's possible to have things about yourself that nobody KNOWS to be true, but is there anything about you that people don't even SUSPECT? I'm being cryptic, I know, but it's because I'm not sure whether to out myself (and someone else) or if it really doesn't matter because people already know. Oh well... "he" said that I could write about something that happened this weekend, and I am absolutely DYING to do it, but I'm nervous. I don't want to put him out there because then EVERYBODY will know what I already know, and his stock will SKYROCKET (is that selfish?). But I also don't want to write about it because then people will know more about me than I think I'm ready for them to know. Of course I could just be naive... anybody who pays ANY kind of attention has probably already figured this out. But if I validate it by putting it in print, I could be giving one person in particular a better glimpse at me and this guy than I am ready for her to have. Okay, I'm babbling. I'ma sit with this a bit longer and then see how I feel about airing it (and him) out. But if you're REALLY interested......

Homecoming

"H-O-M-E-C... O-M-I-N-G! It's, Homecoming yall! It's Homecoming, yall!" Well, that's the attitude I approached the weekend with. Now, however, all I have to say is BOO HISSSSSS!!!!!

I went down to Hampton Thursday morning so I would have more time to relax and to catch up with my friends before they got caught up in all of the Homecoming hullabaloo (yes, I know.... I said hullabaloo). I stopped in to see one of my favorite bloggers for a second, and then I got suckered into going to the stepshow (problem #1). I should have known that no Deltas + no AKAa = disaster. When I finally got there at 9:30 (it started at 8:00), only one group had performed. Ogden was packed and people were trying to sneak into the side doors and windows (WHAT?). When I got there, the Iotas were stepping (KILLIN IT, I might add) which in itself was a mimor miracle. Then they started having audiovisual difficulties, so the DJ started playing gospel music. Yes, GOSPEL music at a stepshow! Now I love the Lord just as much as the next person, but something about "We Lift Our Hands in the Sanctuary" right after I saw an Iota simulating oral sex rubbed me the wrong way. Anyway, I left at 11:30, and the damn thing still wasn't over.

Friday morning I got up early and went to get my hair done. Oh yes.... boy, was THAT a debacle. I told my stylist that I wanted "something different." So everything that happened after that was entirely my fault. THIS is what happened after that (that's me in the middle, just in case you don't recognize the BALD HEADED BITCH!!!!!).

Yeah. Nothing more to say about that. I decided that I was too old to go to the Soiree, even though in hindsight, that probably would've been a good look. Because instead, I joined some friends and went to the T.I. concert. DOUBLE SIGH. Concert was supposed to start at 6:00 because T.I. had another show in Philly later that night. We got there at 6:15, and the DJ was still playing music. Cool. Three hours later, the Youngbloodz came out. I couldn't understand a word they were saying because their speakers were too loud, and that little nigga Sean Paul was eating his microphone. Not to mention the fact that I'm TWENTY NINE YEARS OLD. I don't know no damn Youngbloodz songs!! At one point, security came over and told us that they suggested we leave because T.I. wasn't coming, and they didn't want us to be there when the students started fighting. However, they encouraged us to leave one at a time so no one would notice that something was wrong. Uh, okay. But at 10:00, T.I.'s little ass finally came out. WOW is he little.

He sang the first verse of all of his hits, and then he left the stage. Not to change his clothes, but to go the fuck home. What time was it? 10:30. Yep, that's right. We waited four hours for a 30 minute concert. Wow. And this is all I have to show for it.

I woke up Saturday morning to a typhoon, so I decided that the game was a wash. But then, miraculously, the sun came out and it turned into a BEAUTIFUL day. My linesister and I drove over to campus and proceeded to try to scam our way into the game (whatever... $25 is RIDICULOUS for a sporting event). And then, things started going right. I looked up, and amid ALL those people, I saw my grandmother... YEAH!!! Tyffani and I fell in behind her, and presto chango! We had seats on the 50-yard line. FABULOUS. And along the way, I discovered something very important: my grandmother is an A-list celebrity! I'm talking about people waving at her from the stands (students, no less!), and random women breaking into the Delta circle after the game to take her picture (WTF??). Too funny. After the game, we went home to take a nap before this party at the Convocation Center. We were supposed to meet some girlfriends at 11 so that we could all go together. Okay, so why did we wake up THE NEXT MORNING?????? GREAT. And after hearing about the Paperazzi Party that wasn't (read all about it here), we heard that the Convocation Center party was the JUMP OFF. DAMMIT!!!!!!!!

So, Jameil, wish I could say more. But Homecoming was what it was. I guess I need to realize that I need to join Jarrod and start keepin it real alumni. Cause that's who I am now. SIGH.

I love, love, LOVE These Things!!!

This one's for Stacie.... thanks for the tag :)

Three Names You Go By: Mo, Moni, Moni-cue

Three Parts of Your Heritage: White, Black, I think that's all!

Three Things That Scare You: dying painfully, never finding the love of my life, never seeing my mom again

Three of Your Everyday Essentials: my cell phone, my lip glass, my Metro card

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now: gray sweatpants, black tank, pinl house shoes

Three of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists: Robin Thicke, Beyonce, John Legend

Your Favorite Songs: Dangerously in Love (Beyonce), Love Makes Things Happen (Pebbles and Babyface), and Love Takes Time (Mariah Carey)

Three Things You Want in a Relationship: Honesty, fun, love

Three Physical Things about the Opposite Sex: smile, height, smell

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies: reading, writing, music

Three Things You Want Really Badly Right Now: a new car, to cuddle, some new clothes

Three People You Would Like to See Do This: Jarrod, Shani, Jameil

Three Non-Physical Things About the Opposite Sex: sense of humor, ambition, warm spirit

Three Favorite T.V. Shows: Will & Grace, Lost, The L Word

Three Songs that you have listened to while completing this meme: The theme song to Desparate Housewives, the theme song to Flavor of Love (is that a song?), and Irreplaceable (playing in my head right now)

Bitch, You Are a Mother F&%# Lie!!

OH MY GOD!!! Why do people feel the need to lie about EVERYTHING? There is a girl who graduated with me who took the board exam and scored a 145 (why do I know this, you ask? Because a good friend works for NABP and has access to the score reports). Okay, so a 145 is a BOMB ASS score - the maximum is 150. So why is she going around telling people that she got a perfect score? As in a 150 out of 150? And why are people believing that foolishness? Is it not enough that you graduated #1 in our class and got five points away from perfect? You had to lie and say that you ACED the test? That, BY FAR, is the most ignorant thing I have ever heard in my life. And people say I am a liar... whew!! Chile, that takes the cake! But for my Anoymous boo (and I just KNOW that you are eating this one up!), I am really curious to hear what you have to say about this.... I know she's your girl :) Holla.......

I'm Stealing From New People Now!

Yall know how it goes when I have nothing interesting to write about it, but still feel the need to blog anyway. So here are two memes I stole from It Was Written.

The Two Words Tag (All answers must be in two words)
1. Explain what ended your last relationship? Love fear
2. When was the last time you shaved? Three days
3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.? Taking shower
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? Resignation letter
5. Are you any good at math? Definitely good
6. Your prom night? Embarrasingly sad
7. Do you have any famous ancestors? Not Sure
8. Have you had to take a loan out for school? Hell yeah
9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile? Profile Deleted
10. Last thing received in the mail? Some bills
11. How many different beverages have you had today? Just Coke
12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines? Most times
13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? MC Hammer
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? Uh no
15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had? Deep scaling
16. What is out your back door? Balcony, grill
17. Any plans for Friday night? T.I. concert
18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair? I'm Black
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns? No never
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium? In school
21. Do you re-use towels after you shower? Uhh, yeah
22. Some things you are excited about? New job
23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO? Lemon lime
24. Describe your keychain(s): M, elephant
25. Where do you keep your change? closet shelf
26. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people? work presentation
27. What kind of winter coat do you own? which one
28. What was the weather like on your graduation day? Very hot
29. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? It's open

The Incredibly Weird "What If" Question Meme
1. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be? Ooh, let me see. Britney Spears. She is SO over.

2. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice? Boris Kodjoe

3. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick? Do the same "no strings attached" rules apply? Cuz if so, james Todd Smith. Lord, he is beautiful.

4. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it? I would buy this green wool coat I saw a lady with this morning on the subway. It was SOOOO fierce!

5. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? San Diego, California

6. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do? Catch a cab

7. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour? Call everyone I love and tell them why I love them. Then, if my 30 minutes isn't up yet, I would comb my hair so my mommy won't say, "Girl, what have you been doing with yourself?" when I see her :)

8. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be? Hmmm... a super power? Wow, I don't know. I would probably choose the power to be in two places at the same time.

9. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? The last thirty minutes of my mother's life... I have some things I want to tell her.

10. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there? Another "hmm...." I would like to say something deep and profound like I would go back and alter the course of slavery or racism in the South, but really, I just want to go back to just before my ex decided that he wanted to break up with me.

11. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? September 18, 2003

12. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now? St. Tropez

13. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life? Celebrity? Let me see.... maybe Luther Vandross. I need another love song.

14. What’s your theme song? Oh, I have so many. But something that really captures me... it would be an old one. "Ain't No Half Steppin'" by Big Daddy Kane and

Selfish (As Usual)

Real quick... is it selfish to ask yall to switch to the new beta blogger? You won't have to make any changes to your existing blog - apparently it's just newer and stuff (can't yall tell I'm REALLY tehnologically advanced?). But it won't let me post comments on anyone's wall who doesn't have blogger beta also :( I neeeeeedddd to leave my comments!! Pretty please.....

Sir, PLEASE! I'm Not Gonna Ask You Again. Give Me My 40 Acres and a Mule!!!!

That was my saying of the night... you know the one - every time you go out and have a few drinks, there's always one thing that you say that gets cemented in everyones' minds because it's just so damn funny? Well, that was mine. "Sir, PLEASE! I'm not gonna ask you again.... give me my 40 acres and a mule!!" (actually it sounded more like "40 goddam acres and a motha fuckin' mule," but hey - I was pleasantly intoxicated!).

Friday night I went out to dinner with some friends at this place called The Den in Harlem. I checked out the menu online before I went (being the foodie that I am!), and I had several of the drinks earmarked in my mind for future consumption. The "Foxy Brown," the "Gold Digga," "The Jungle Fever," and as you can see, my favorite, "The 40 Acres and a Mule." When we get there, I look at the drink menu and immediately notice that my first choice isn't printed there. After much cajoling with the waiter and the bartender, the second "he" remembered how to make the drink and the first "he" brought it to my table. The 40 acres: Stoli Orange, Watermelon Pucker, and Apple Snapps. The mule: a chaser shot of Coffee Patron. Whoo chile... now THAT is my kind of drink. I had one before the food came, then my meal came with a glass of red wine, then I had another... so that brought me to a grand total of 80 acres and two mules (sorry, Helen... I had to say it just one more time!). Then (as if that weren't enough), I had a Jungle Fever (layered shots of Kahlua and Bushmill's Irish Cream)...

Now, don't get me wrong, I really am not a lush. But there were these two guys who insisted on sitting down next to us and carrying on a completely ridiculous conversation about a whole lot of nothing. They were correctional officers at Sing Sing (is that the new pickup line - was I supposed to be impressed?), but they had the combined conversational ability of a brass monkey (my mom used to say that - I used to giggle every time!). As soon as they leaned over and started talking (completely uninvited, I might add), I started in on the waiter to "keep 'em comin!" I can't even begin to tell you guys how hard it was not to just crack up laughing right in these guys' faces, but they just wouldn't get the hint: we kept trying to have a conversation that included only the three of us, but they always found a way in. Finally, the big one (yes, there was a big one and a little one!) said, "So what do yall single ladies do for a livin?" (who said we were single? But anyway...) I was kinda hoping that this would do the trick, so I looked expectantly at Marsha who smiled ever so sweetly and said, "I'm a physician." The little one choked on his Heineken. Then Shevonne said, "I'm a marketing analyst at ING." The big one's eyes got big, but to his credit, he swallowed his beer. Then I round 'em out with, "And I'm a pharmacist." At that point, I got a little taste of why men can spot a gold digga a mile away... these dumb asses then proceeded to ask us each how much money we make and how come we're not married. SIGH..... that was when I had to yell at the waiter. I had asked him two times to bring me another drink, and he just wasn't moving fast enough to numb the pain that these losers were inflicting. "Sir, PLEASE!! I'm not gonna ask you again. Give me my 40 Acres and a Mule!! Don't you think it's about 200 years overdue?" The entire restaurant got SILENT, Marsha and Shevonne were giggling their asses off, and the waiter turned this lovely shade of plum. When he finally brought it over, I apologized profusely and left a very generous tip, but I'm sure he rushed home to tell all of his friends about the angry Black women in The Den that were demanding their 40 acres. Man, Brother Jesse would be so proud :)

Lawdy, Lawdy... Lawd Have Mercy!!!

Okay, so I was coming home from dropping off some urine for a drug test at the request of my new job - yall know the one that I was forced to take when I got fired from my residency **wink wink**. I decided to stop at the grocery store to get some popcorn to eat while watching my Thursday night television. I was in a part of town that I normally don't go through, so I wasn't that familiar with the area. All of a sudden, I saw a supermarket on the left side of the street. As I was pulling over into the parkng lot, my first clue that I was in for a treat was when I saw the sign reading "Martin Luther King Boulevard." Lawd have mercy!!!!! Once my car was parked in its designated parking space amidst the broken shopping carts and random condom wrappers (HONEST!), I noticed the name of the store: "Extra Gricery Store." Lawd have mercy!!!! When I got out of the car, I felt like I had just walked onto the set of The Wire minus that unbelievably deelishis (shout out to my man FLA-VOR FLAVVVVVVV!!!!) Idris Elba (anybody know where I can find him?). I mean really... this was the grocery store from every stereotype in every comedy sketch done by every Black comedian in America! There were hardly any brand named products in the whole store - all I was looking for was some Orville Reddenbacher (sp?), but the only thing on the shelf was the store brand. Then I looked for some soda - no Coke, no Pepsi, no Nehi, no Fanta... just store brand. WTF?????? I had to walk out because the whole thing was just so ridiculous. So no popcorn for me. But plenty of jokes.

For Those Who Know Not and Know Not They Know Not

I always loved that phrase... it was slightly confusing, but when you break it down, it makes sense. So this post is for all those people out there who know not, but have no clue that they DON'T KNOW A DAMN THING!!!!!

Issue #1: My anonymous blog reader has reared her ugly head again **hey!!** In case you are the one who knows not, let me tell you: the 90 day rule only applies if you have taken the test and failed it. If you have never taken it (which I have not), then you take it whenever you want. Cool on that? Cool.

Issue #2: I was listening to 98.7 this past Sunday and Olivia McClurkin (Donnie's sister, I believe) was giving her testimony on the morning show about how she had survived stage IV cancer in six or seven locations in her body. She spoke about how every doctor told her that she had no hope and that there was nothing they could do. She spoke about the healing power of God and how He was telling her to stand through her adversity and that He would see her through. Then another woman called with her testimony. She used to be a police officer, but had to quit her job when she was diagnosed with stage IV cancer of the stomach lining, ovaries, uterua, Fallopian tubes, liver, and bone. She survived as well, and now there is no trace of cancer in her body. She said that God told her that while He wasn't "giving" her this disease, he was allowing her to live through it in order that others might learn from her struggle. He had faith in her ability to be strong and survive to tell of His wonders when she came out on the other side. So while I am listening to all of this, I am starting to tear up. It is alawys so powerful to hear stories of how people survive trmendous adversity with a positive attitude and no anger in their hearts. But what really made me cry when I stopped to think about it was this: what was so special about these people? Why did my mother - who was the best person I have ever (and might ever) known in my life - have to suffer and eventually lose her life to the very illness that these two women (and many others) survived? She had stage IV cancer also. The doctors told her that there was really nothing they could do. She struggled through chemo- and radiation therapies, she took all of the pain medications, she did everything she could. But she died. And that makes me angry. I know I'm not supposed to question God, but I just really don't understand. A third caller summed up everything I was feeling when she said that her had lost her mother to cancer and she could never understnd why God took her mother and spared so many others. She was asking Ms. McClurkin what she could say to those people out there who have sacrificed their loved ones to disease and illness. How do they (we) get past the pain and the anger when others are allowed to experience such joy? I really wanted to publish this post Sunday afternoon, but I was caught up with something else (which will be issue #3), so I'm just now getting around to it. But it just made me so sad.... my mother was such a phenomenal women. She never intentionally harmed anyone and would give her last breath to someone in need. Why didn't God choose her to tell His story? I'm struggling with that....

Issue #3: For those of you who read this blog on any type of consistent basis, you know that I am not entirely happy at my job. I haven't said much about it lately, but it really has become quite an ordeal. I was thinking about quitting for several months, but I didn't want to make such a huge decision while I was angry or disillusioned. Every few days I would make a list about the pros and cons of staying vs. leaving. But most of all, I was spending that time trying to convince myself that I am not a failure. I chose to do this residency, I chose to live this life. So I felt like a bit of a quitter for considering the option of bailing on something that I CHOSE. But some advice from a very good friend put it all into perspective: "It's not quitting if it is what is best for you. It's not quitting if you've given it your all and can't see a difference. You don't want to leave because it's too hard or because you aren't up to the job. You want to leave because it's not what you signed up for. The program you wanted is not the program you got." And I realized that he was right. I don't dislike this program because they are asking for something from me that I am unable to give them. I am the best resident they have - I think so, and according to my managers, they think so too. But I didn't come all this way to sit beind a desk and shuffle papers. I don't want to be a manager. I want to be a pharmacist. So after months of thinking and praying, I have come to a decision. I am leaving my residency program. I spent all day Sunday looking for new job opportunities. Monday morning, I got a voicemail message from a recruiter wanting to set up an interview. Yesterday morning I went to the interview. Yesterday afternoon I got the job. Double my salary and half my hours. Less stress and more satisfaction. Less commute and more time to enjoy my new surroundings. I have never felt more free. At first I was worried about what other people would think. I can just imagine how much money Verizon Wireless is raking in as we speak as the haters (both known and anonymous) light up the airwaves with, "Did you hear that Monique got fired from her residency? Girl... she had a nervous breakdown and had to quit. Did you hear? Monique is such a loser!!" Well, if leaving a job that I hate for a job that I like means I'm a loser, then I'm good on that. If handing in my letter of resignation means that I got fired, then that's cool too. 'Cause I'M FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And life has never been so sweet :)

My Truth or Dare

Here are the tasks I have been given by the beautiful Ms. Trish on her blog...
TRUTH: What celebrity are you infatuated with?
Now yall who read my blog already know the answer to this one, so I'll avoid the obious and pick my second favorite infatuation: Jay Z. Seems like a logical jump, but I really do love him and have for a long time.
DARE: Post a picture of you from high school ;)
Oh Lord, do I even have a picture of me from high school? Let me see...


Ahh yes, here we are... please keep the snickering to a minimum. I really do think that I have come a long way baby....

Brief Check-In (Again)

Thanks to all the people who felt my last post... I threw a bit of a tantrum and walked away, but I'm back now.
Actually, I just wanted to solicit some prayers from you guys. I have to have an outpatient procedure performed tomorrow and I know from working at a hospital that occasionally things can go wrong. So - lift me up when you get a chance. I'll be back with something substantial soon. Hugs....

Come One, Come All

Step right up, ladies and gentleman! Only one dollar for a quick glimpse of the world's most stupid woman!! Check it out, it's amazing!!!

Okay, so yeah - that woman is me. Can you believe that last night (or early this morning, rather), I heard those infamous words: "It's not you, it's me. I have heard several people say that, so it must be me. There's nothing wrong with you at all." YAWN.... BULLSHIT. It isn't enough to say that the problem is you if you are never going to do anything to change yourself... damn, I feel some deja vu... didn't I write about this before... like seventeen million times? Backtrack. This morning my friend was telling me about his night out, and he got to this part where he met this attractive woman who "seemed sensible" (she didn't split verbs, he said), and so they exchanged numbers and agreed to meet for lunch today. Why don't men understand that it is NEVER okay to talk about a new woman with a woman that you used to have sleep with - even if you never considered that woman to be anything more than "just a friend." "So what?" you ask. I'll tell you what... that's how he and I got to be friends. I recognize the game being layed down. And now almost a year later, I realize that that's all it was. Game. Plain and simple. I fell for some game. For a split second (okay, for almost a year) I allowed myself to believe that this person actually liked me and that our friendship was mixed up in something a little more interesting and a lot more important. Yeah, right. So after thinking about that for a little while, I realized something - it's time to pull up my stakes and roll into the next town (figured I'd keep up the carnival references for all yall Southerners). I am so over being the part-time friend. The good time girl. The "I am so bored, so let's hang out" friend. Am I mad at him? No, I created this scenario. I allowed myself to be placed into that box, and more importantly, I have made no moves to get out of it. But enough is enough. I have friends. Not very many and not in a lot of places, but I have friends. Friends who care about my feelings and who actually realize when they've hurt them. Friends who want me to be happy and who work hard at making that a reality. I don't need any more "best friends in my head" (Wendy Williams-ism). I am 29 years old and I am tired of this bullshit. No more of this we argue today and then don't speak for a few days hoping that it will blow over and you won't have to discuss it anymore. No more of this I call you when I don't have anything better to do with my day. And definitely no more of this beautiful, intelligent woman who cares more about you than you do about her. Do I sound like I am trying to convince myself? I am. But I'm tired of crying over a man who doesn't give a damn about me. And I realied that while I was trying to deny it and doing everything I cold to avoid it, I kinda loved him. Not "I am so in love with you, let's get married and someday" kind of love, but I really do think that I loved him. Friends? Right. The only tears I have ever cried over my true friends are the ones that we've cried together. This man doesn't need me, and he realizes that. So why I am so late on the pick up? He has moved up to the 2007 model, and even though all the signs were there, I never saw it coming. So maybe over lunch, the two of you can talk about all kinds of things without the trouble of interpreting split verbs. Maybe she'll find you attractive and funny and the two of you will talk for hours in her car after the meal is over. And maybe, just maybe, if you're lucky she'll be so taken with you that she'll ignore the voice of her conscience that is screaming, "Are you crazy?" and she'll have sex with you in a few days. At any rate, enjoy your new life, old friend. I can't be your good time girl anymore.

H-A H-A H-A

It just occurred to me (after I stopped to wonder why I am still awake at 1:46 in the morning) that several things have struck me as being funny this week. Since I have such terrible short-term memory, I decided to write them down hopefully for yall's chuckling pleasure.

1. I was watching Def Comedy Jam, and this one comedian was messing with this man in the front. The man was rather uptight and he wasn't laughing at any of the jokes. So the comedian starts mocking him and saying, "I'm so smart. I don't have to laugh, I can spell it. H-A H-A H-A!!" (it was much funnier when I saw it on TV)
2. A corpus callotomy???? I was watching a commercial for this week's Grey's Anatomy (shut up, Jarrod - you keep mine, and I'll keep yours) when I heard Dr. McDreamy (what a dumb ass name) say that he was getting ready to perform a "corpus callotomy." I laughed out loud until I realized that it was real.
3. I was watching a rerun of My Name Is Earl, and Joy was upset that this Asian woman who lives next door was stealing her clients (she does nails). She called the lady Chinese, and Earl was correcting her, saying that he thought she was Vietnamese. Joy says, "I don't care of she's Chinese, Vietnamese, or Chucky Cheese, that bitch has gotta go!"
4. My chief resident was giving morning report today and he was updating us on this patient who has been around for a while. He says, "I don't think the patient is the problem. I think her husband is MSM on the DL." So this silly little Asian medical student says, "Did you say 'MSM?' What is that?" After we all stop laughing (it's a medical term that she should've known, just like STD or HIV), he says (very patiently), "MSM is men who have sex with men. You DO know what the 'DL' stands for, right?" She looked so perplexed that I could hardly stand it.

There's more, but like I said, my short term memory is the WORST.

Soliciting All Internet Stalkers

Okay, I need yall's help. I am looking for a video of an old episode of Mad TV. I have been able to track down when it aired (2002, season six) and what the episode number was (#626). It's the one where they did the parody of Oprah's Book Club and she was BITCHIN the HELL out of Stedman (or "snacker on the side," as my friend and I like to call him). Please, please, PLEASE, if anone can find video of that skit, I would be FOREVER grateful. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen, and so far they haven't released Season Six on DVD. Thanks guys :)

I'm Still Here

I know I was being pretty diligent there for a while in posting every day when I was doing the Master Cleanse, and I have since fallen off. But I have had a lot of things on my plate and I just couldn't drum up the energy to add one more. However, I was pleasantly surprised this morning to note that I was on the LEFT side of 200 pounds when I got on the scale this morning - the first time I have weighed less than 200 since I moved here - YEAH!! Baby steps guys, baby steps ;)
Say a prayer for me when you have a spare minute; these last few days have been alot.

Day 13

Okay, guys. The Master Cleanse is down for the count. I am on day 13, only one more to go, but I had a bit of a health scare yesterday and have decided that enough is enough. I didn't lose as much weight as some people or even as much as I had hoped, but I did stick with it (for the most part) as long as I could, and I am proud of myself. Yesterday I passed out in my office and I happened to be alone, so no one found me for about 20-25 minutes. I got some IV fluids, they ran a bunch of tests, and suggested that I stay at home today until I felt (as they put it) "more stable." I really don't think it had much to do with the cleanse since I hadn't done anything different yesterday than any other day, but I'm just hoping that there isn't something really wrong with my body. I have never really hd any health problems (other than clumsiness which seems to be the curse of tall women everywhere), so I have often found myself waiting for the other shoe to drop. And I have never passed out like that before (for such a long period of time), so my mind is on overdrive trying to figure out what could be wrong. And for the comedians out there, the answer to your question is a beautiful, wonderful NO!!!! A pregnancy test was one of the first things they did, so now that we've gotten that out of the way :) Breathe, stretch, shake, honey... your friends were wrong, I am NOT trying to trap you into marrying me. Yall have a good one...

Morning weight: 201.2 (-7.6 pounds)

Sad News to Report

Sorry if this is old news, but I just got an email about it (http://www.allhiphopnews.com/hiphopnews/?ID=6190). Apparently, Rev. Run and his wife Justine suffered a great loss this past Saturday when their baby girl was born with her organs on the outside of her baby. She died shortly after delivery. I am SO sad to hear that - I am a big fan of Run's House, and I remember how excited she seemed when she found out that she was pregnant. All the kids were hapy and even Rev. seemed to have gotten on the bandwagon of his "old lady" having a new baby. According to the article, MTV cameras were at the hospital in Ridgewood filming for the new season of Run's House when this occurred, so I don't know how it will all pan out (if at all) on the show,

Please keep Reverend Run and his family in your thoughts and prayers as I cannot even imagine what it must be like to have a blessing so wonderful and anticipated end this way.

P.S. And then with people fighting to keep their lives, THIS dumb ass..... http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15021827/

Day 12

Damn my shedding endometrium!!!

Morning weight: 202.0 (-6.6 pounds)

Day 11

Morning weight: 201.0 (-7.6 pounds)

Day 10

Whoo hoo! Well, no MAJOR setback on the weight front. This weekend's weakness didn't affect me TOO much (at least I didn't have dessert).

Morning weight: 201.8 (-7 pounds)

Monique and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Birthday

SIGH..... this was one of the worst birthdays ever (surpassed only by the truly horrible 26th birthday of 2003). I was on this ridiculous Master Cleanse, I didn't get any presents, and I got a reckless driving speeding ticket. Plus the next day I fell off the diet bandwagon (I don't want to discuss it, just know that I'm back with the tea and the lemonade) and I got into a horrible fight with a really good friend. It wasn't really a fight, more like a misunderstanding, but I felt terrible and apparently so did he. I just get so frustrated when I feel like people aren't making time for me - especially when that's all I ever seem to do for other people. I was so angry that I got in my car at 11:00 p.m. and started driving the six hours back to New Jersey. I was tired, I was angry, I was sad, and I just wanted to have a happy fucking birthday. What did I think I was going to accomplish by running myself off the road at 2:00 in the morning somewhere on US-13? I don't know... it just seemed like the right choice at the time. Luckily this friend convinced me to turn around and come home (or at least back to their house). I really do think that he cares about me, it's just that sometimes it gets lost in the translation.

This probably makes absolutely NO SENSE to anyone reading this, so I'll just stop blabbering now. Prepare yourself: tomorrow's weight will be more than last week, but like I said, I did eat twice this weekend. So even though tomorrow is day 10, I might have to go more than 14 days because of the lapse. We'll see.

P.S. If my friend happens to be reading this, I'm sorry if I worried you Saturday night. I was angry with you, and I didn't understand that you really were concerned about my wellbeing. I hope you understood where I was coming from and that our friendship will be better because of it. **secret handshake**

Day Seven

Don't ask me what why my weight went up today; I didn't drink my tea like I was supposed and I was really slacking on the lemonade so... I don't know. Unfortunately I won't be able to give you guys any weight updates over the weekend because I am going home for my 29th BIRTHDAY TODAY (YEAH!!!!!!). I don't think I'll be back with any stories about fabulous birthday parties like someone I know or beatiful flower arrangements like someone else I am hatin on but it's all good... you only turn 29 once and I'm not bitter :) Have a good weekend everyone!

Morning weight: 201.8(-7 pounds)

Day Six

I'm running late AGAIN, but I remembered...

Morning weight: 201.2 (-7.4 pounds)

11:37 ADDENDUM: Cuz I'm a brick... duh duh duh duh... HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, I didn't have time to appropriately address my weight loss this morning as I was dashing off to work (late AGAIN), but now I have a few minutes. DAMN!!! This thing is really working.... I got on the scale this morning and saw that I am eerily close to the left side of 200 which is all I really wanted in the first place, and I still have eight days to go! Aww, shucks... I'm 'bout to get back in my "skinny jeans" before this is all over :)

Day Five

For one that ONE person out there who might still give a damn about me losing weight, I am sorry. I was runnin CRAZY late this morning and completely forgot to weight myself. So I will have to wait until tomorrow to see how much (if any) weight I lost yesterday and today. Maybe the larger number will make me feel like I am accomplishing more! We will do anything to trick ourselves into feeling good, won't we?

And I am sorry about the pictures in yesterday's blog. I tried re-posting them three different times, and they will only stay visible on the blog for a few hours. All I'm getting now is little white boxes with red x's in them. SIGH... so much for turning this into a pornographic blog :) Peace...

Please Do Not Touch, Lick, Fondle, or Mount the Exhibits

This was the sign that greeted my entry into the New York Museum of Sex, or MoSex as it will be hereafter deemed. In my haste to get inside without anyone on the street thinking I was some kind of perv, I completely forgot to take a picture of the sign outside. But it was nothing remarkable....

So I get inside and am greeted by a rather handsome man behind the counter who takes my money and tells me to have a "wonderful time" (uh, okay...). There are three exhibits on three different floors. The first exhibit was Peeping, Probing & Porn: Four Centuries of Graphic Sex in Japan. Okay, so who knew that the geisha were gettin down like THAT??? That exhibit is where most of the pictures are from. There were all of these exqamples of Japanese art, comic strips, and even anime (YES, pornographic anime!!)... and the pictures were incredibly graphic.
 
 
 
  
Apparently, in Japanese culture, it is traditional to depict the genitalia in very exaggerated, larger than life format. So all of the women's breasts were like GGG and the penises were... well, let's just say that if you listen to Wendy Williams, you would say, "Put that where? Back there!!"

The second floor was Stags, Smokers, and Blue Movies: The Origins of American Pronographic Film. No pictures from here because it was just a bunch of television screens showing reels of really, really old porn. Now it disturbs me TREMENDOUSLY to think that somewhere in the deep South, mass was trying to convince my great great great grandmother to "yeah, do it like that mama!" Anyway... not much excitement there.

The third floor (and in my opinion, the best floor in the museum) was Spotlight on the Permanent Collection. This was basically a collection of things collected from thousands of peoples' private collections.... original vibrators, art, videos, stuff like that. And then there was this chair...
 
Boy oh boy if I had THAT bad boy in the house... Toward the end of the exhibit there was this collection of videos, letters, etc., and one in particular jumped out at me....
 
I assume yall can read the title. Why oh why?? This next picture was interesting to me because it reminded me of a certain person and his many references to that "sweet white nectar" or whatever it is that he always says.
 
These last few pictures are of various types of really, really old vibrators and other devices of pleasure for women (I think). Ladies, what about that drill with the penis on the end? Oh hell naw....
 
 
 
This last one just speaks for itself... yall figure it out.
 
So this is how I spent my afternoon... whatcha think???? Oh yeah, and this is what I came home with :)