You're Not Mine, So Never Mind

This is going to be one of those days where every time something comes to mind, I am going to post a new blog. These last few days at my job have relieved me of ALL responsibility to do any work, but I still feel like I have to be here just in case they decide to mess with my last paycheck. This is something that I wrote a little while ago. For all of you detectives out there, it doesn't apply to any one person in particular (although I can see how you might think that it does given the last few posts), so don't get too excited. I'm just trying to do better with my writing.

Who do you love? Do you love me because you think I'm beautiful? Do you love me because I give and I give and I give and I give... until you have everything and I have nothing? Do you love me? Or do you love the woman you think that I am? Do you love me? Or do you love the woman that you want me to be? Do you love me? Or are you just afraid that the one you love won't love you? When you say that I'm beautiful, do you mean on the inside? When you look at me, do you look past the fashion and the makeup to the woman inside? Do you see my heart that is bursting with feelings for you? Do you see my soul that is looking for its counterpart in you? Do you see the little girl who is afraid of being abandoned and just wants to be loved? Or when you look at me, do you just see what you can see with your eyes? Do you think that I am beautiful as in "lovely," or beautiful as in "pretty." And do you see the difference?

Do you understand that I love you? Do you know that I want to be with you? Can you feel me thinking about you when you are in that quiet place just before your eyes close for the night? When you look at her, do you see me? When you look at her, do you think of how I look? When you touch her, do you remember what it was like to lay beside me with my head on your chest? When she places her hand on the back of your neck, do you remember when I used to lay on the couch with your head in my lap? When you hear a funny joke, do you wonder if I would laugh too? Do you even remember what my laugh sounds like? When you say something funny that only I would understand, do you try to explain, or do you just smile to yourself and change the subject?

When you lower yourself into her with only the light of the moon to show you that you are not alone, do you remember what it was like with me? Do you remember how I used to run my nails lightly along the inside of your thighs until you would beg me to stop? Do you remember how shy I was for so long that I wouldn't even let you turn on the lights? When you look down and see the top of her head as she licks the last of you off her lips, do you remember me? Can you smell my perfume? Can you hear my breathing? Can you feel my legs wrapped around your waist as I try to make it last just one more second so we can orgasm together? Or is she better than me? Does she make you feel like your head is in the clouds and your body is on another plane? Does she make your toes curl up because you are trying so hard not to cry out and seem like you lost the battle?

These are the things that I wonder sometimes. And then I realize that they don't matter. Because none of it will change how I feel about you. I crave you. I miss you. I dream about you. I long for you. I smell you. I hear you. I want you. I love you. Sigh. But you're not mine, so never mind.