Sometimes He Wonders

Sometimes I Wonder

I sometimes wonder if she knows
I sometimes wonder does it come across?
Does it show?

I sometimes wonder if she knows who it is that is
ineterested in her?
I sometimes wonder if she understands that this is a
man with the answer
The answer to that question in her heart and soul that
asks; when will she
be filled with the everlasting joy that can be felt
inside of her like the
warmth of beautiful sunrays that shines across her
face on a hot summer
day.

The answer to her heart and soul that asks; when will
she find the man who
will stimulate and seduce her mind like the feeling of
a soft gentle
feather
slowly caressing her body, or like the inviting
tingling sensation when the
cologne of a man that smells so good that it teases
the tastebuds of her
desire to feel his strong but gentle touch.

The answer to her heart and soul that asks; when will
she find the man who
complements her inner and outer being like the warmth
of glowing candles
surrounding her as she lays across the soothing scent
of passionate rose
petals that cascades her bed, or the warmth of a
beautiful laced wool woven
sweater that she snuggles into before heading for a
stroll on a cool winter
day.

Does she realize that I am the answer to all these
things?
I sit and ponder and as much as I wished that she does
I really don't know?
So "Sometmes I Wonder"

Realizations of A New Reality

Today is an interesting day. A day that immediately follows a VERY interesting evening. No, to all of you out there (all THREE or FOUR of you!), there is no gossip on THAT front. But last night was an eye opener.

I was so angry for so long. I imagined all of the ways that you would eventually pay for what you did to me. All of the things you wanted but would never get. All of the people you would love who would never love you back. All of the successes that would be within your grasp, but would be just far enough away for you not to reach them. But then I realized something. You didn't do anything to me. You didn't hurt me. You didn't violate me. You didn't leave me. You were simply true to yourself, and for that I should be grateful. So now here we are some months later, and I am at peace. Sure, I think about you from time to time. Sure I call to see how you are even though you never call me back. Sure I wonder who you're with and whether she is making you happy. But it's always a passing thought. The thought is no longer accompanied by tears or regret. It is no longer a preface to a night of sadness and reflection. And then you call me. Twice. In one day. Once at home and once at work. Twice. In one day. After months of silence and unreturned messages. No "Merry Christmas, Mo" or "Happy New Year, mama!" Just silence. And then you call. Twice. In one day. To tell me that you're coming back. Not back to me. Not back to us. But you're coming back. I'll no longer be protected from you by three time zones and two busy careers. I'll no longer be able to think of you as being in another country because in my mind, you are so far away. You're coming back. But the biggest surprise of all: I didn't react. I did't leap for joy. I didn't shake in fear. I didn't cry about the possibilities. I simply didn't react. I see it for what it is. A move that has nothing to do with me, but that you just wanted to share because it's big news in your life. And I am grateful for that. I am glad that you called me because I really did want to hear your voice. I am glad that called me because I really did want to know how you were doing. I am glad that you called me because I wanted you to know that I am happy now. Really. I am glad that you called me because I didn't want to believe that a friendship like ours could just shrivel up and die just because "I love you" took on new meaning. So I am glad that you called. I have missed you. But now I am at peace. I love you. But now I am not longing for you. I want to see you again some day. But now I have no expectations. Travel safely and with Godspeed. And don't stay in Iraq too long. We need you here.

Monique's Business is EVERYBODY'S Business!

Hey yall!!! The professional woman is BACK on the block. This ia, by far, the longest that I have ever been away from my blog la familia, and I MISSED YALL!!!!!! Nothing much has really been going on; just on that work grind. I have been keeping up with you guys from afar, I just haven't been chiming in too much. But in talking with a friend on the phone today, I see that- as usual- my name hasn't been too far out of peoples' mouths. Someone from school was saying, "Girl, Monique's business is EVERYBODY's business!" That's when I thought to myself, "You're right." Why am I hiding? I ain't doing nothing wrong, and in fact, all is right in my world. So I'm back to entertaining you guys again with the mundane details of my everyday existence.

I believe that when I was here last, I was giving you guys some updates on what was going on with big "first date" with Bishop. Well, it's month two, and he hasn't run away screaming just yet, so..... maybe there's promise. I have been a bit reserved because I am a little afraid to get too attached... I always seem to be waiting for the other shoe to drop. But things with Bishop are what they are... a fun way to spend my time and something to gossip about with the girlfriends :)