Sigh

Not fired. Just severely chastised. And reprimanded. And all that. Had to sign some stupid counseling card. Remembered that becoming a floater means forfeiting my $5/hour night differential. And it means decreasing my base hours from 42 to 30 per week.

Anybody know a legal side hustle??

Dun dun... Dun Dun... Dundundundundun....

(That's the theme song to Jaws, for those of you who were puzzled!)

I am sitting in one of those comfortable little blue chairs that I'm forbidden to sit in while I'm working. Like a student sent to the principal's office, I've been told that my supervisor "is busy," and that I should "wait in the chairs by the pharmacy." Okay, I guess I got the time of our meeting mixed up. It's cool.

Meanwhile I'll just sit here and reflect on my wrongdoings. Why is it that before every meeting with her, I feel the sudden and overwhelming desire to flee? I guess it's because this time, I'm supposed to meet with her and her boss. Why, you ask? No idea. If the decision has already been made to grant my request and take me off the nightshift, then why do I have to be double teamed to officially get the news? Is it because I'm getting the same treatment that the other pharmacist in my store got (she came in one day after 9 years and learned that she was being replaced)? Because if you're completely replacing me and I'm not being given an alternative placement, couldn't you just tell me that? Why all the fanfare? "Bitch, you're fired." See how easy that was?

**sigh**

I really hate to admit this, but these white people have me shook. I'm just remembering all of the little policy violations I've participated in over the last three months and wondering if they are fire-worthy. Dammit! I hate being a grown ass woman and feeling like I'm in trouble with someone! Twelve more minutes (that is if they plan to start this little Spanish Inquisition on time). More coming......

This is SO Long Overdue

I wanted to write you a thank you note. But not the usual "thanks so much for the stained glass portrait of our heavenly Father that is now comfortably nestled in my storage unit between the gift card from Claire's and the cable knit sweater that my best friend's grandmother knitted me for my 21st birthday" kind of thank you. The kind that you look at and really realize (hopefully) that you have made a difference in someone's life somehow. Now I can just picture you squirming in your seat at the idea that I'm about to allow even a little peek into the real you because you don't want people to know that you really are a nice guy. And I KNOW that you are cursing at the idea of me putting your government name out into the blogosphere for public consumption. But man up. This one goes out to you, Jarrod M.M.

Thank you for being my opposition. You say black when I say white. You say up when I say down. You say no when I say yes (well.... you don't actually say no....).

Thank you for being my challenge. I have learned that I cannot change you. And that I shouldn't want to. That you are just fine the way that you are. But you require me to ask the really tough questions of myself and you encourage me to be brave enough to hear the answers. You judge me sometimes. But I don't care what anyone says: that shit is necessary sometimes.

Thank you for asking me for another picture. Thank you for putting my nuber back in your phone. Thank you for singing "Get Me Bodied" to me when I was sick. Thank you for staying on the phone with me when that lady called me a "fucking bitch" and helping me to allow her to stay alive to tell the story to her goddam countrymen in her motherfucking language (woosahhhhh). Thank you for reminding me that I am not always right. Not even half the time. Hell, not even some of the time. Thank you for reminding me how old I am. Every day. Several times a day. Thank you for asking me when we were going on our first date. For not quitting when I didn't answer your calls. For saying "hi." For ironing your shirt on a borrowed ironing board. For being on time. For walking me to my car. For finally saying it. And meaning it. "The Mack." "The Boondocks." "New Jack City." Dave Chapelle. Chapel Hill. Carrot cake at Red Star. The Cheesecake Factory (oh yeah, that's right. That was the baby.). Lady of Rage. Jenny from the Block. Township. Hampton. Newport News. Norfolk. 2005. 2006. 2007.

Thank you for being the laughter of my life. And (you're really gonna hate this part): I love you.

I Just.... I Just Can't

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2mdbu_deelishisrumpshaker_music

That is all.

Let Freedom Ring

So... today I didn't sleep because I was waiting for a meeting with my supervisor that never took place. I got to work and found the technicians gossiping about this guy who will be taking over my job in two weeks. PARDON??? You said two weeks? MY job? The one that they pay ME to do? Riiiiiight.

So I call the pharmacy manager to ask her about it (the gossipers said the news came straight from her). Mind you, we'd just had this conversation a few days ago and she'd vehemently denied knowing anything about it. So again, she says (in her UBER thick, Staten Island accent), "no, Monique. I swear I haven't heard anything about replacing you!" I sighed deeply and closed my eyes against the steadily advancing migraine.

At that very moment, I decided to call in sick tomorrow. If I have to wait until next week to find out my future with the company, then I deserve a day off. So I call my scheduler and tell him that I need him to find coverage for tomorrow night. He says he'll start making calls. No less than five minutes later, the phone rings and it's -----, my supervisor.

"Hey, it's me, ----"

"Hey."

"Listen, I just got a call about you needing coverage for tomorrow night, and I gotta be honest with you. It doesn't look too good. But I promise we'll try to find somebody, and I will get back to you."

"Okay. Well in the meantime, are you considering so-and-so for my job?"

**yeah, like that. Straightforward and to the point. How YOU doin?**

So she pauses and then says yes. Then she hurries on to explain. The bottom line is that he just passed his exams but there is a problem with his paperwork, so he doesn't have a license number. As soon as he does, they want to train him for a week and then start him on nights at this store. Monday, September 3. And then I will be a floater. Riiiiiiiiight.

So don't you think it would've been nice for someone (other than the techs) to tell me that my job was no longer MY job? Never mind that I got what I wanted which is to get off nights. That is some shady shit!! So what, I would've gotten a call at the end of my week of telling me not to worry about coming in Monday night, but instead to report to parts unknown Monday morning? Nice. Ball-less corporate bitches. They were just afraid that if they told me too soon, I would quit and they wouldn't have a replacement.

Fuck it. Freedommmmmmmmm! Freeeedom! **channeling my inner Aretha**

Dear-----, pt. 2

Dear ---- ,
I just wanted to take a minute to thank you for standing me up today. Even though I didn't sleep because I was waiting for your call, I do appreciate the fact that you were gossiping about me in my absence. I especially love the part where you set up a meeting for us for next Wednesday without talking to me first to check my availability. I apologize for already having plans for my day on my week off. At any rate, just wanted to say thanks... for nothing!!!

Professionally,
MSW, Pharm.D.

30 Days to 30

First of all, a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the most petite (I think) member of my blog la lamilia.... JAMEIL!!!!! Bon aniversaire, m'amie (rusty, but I think that's right).

But more importantly (I jest!).... today begins the annual countdown to the big day. But this year is different... 30 days to big 3-0!!!! I realize that I'm WAY too excited for most of you to handle, but what can I say? I'm excited **jumping up and down**

Yesterday I finally got a response to my email from my district supervisor. We're supposed to talk this afternoon, so.... I'm holding strong, yall. Stay tuned.

Dear :

Dear :
I just wanted to take a moment to touch base with you. I know that we spoke previously about me switching from overnights to days, and in light of the 2007 graduates getting licensed, I was wondering if this would be an opportune time to revisit that change. I know that my store has had some challenges and that perhaps my transition to overnight pharmacist here hasn't been as smooth as it could be. I learn quickly and am dedicated to the improvement of our store's triple S status; however, I am not sure that my skills are being fully utilized here. With the impending changes in my own life as well as those here at 905, I just feel that the responsibilities and demands of the night shift might better be addressed by someone else. I have never been one to walk away from a challenge, and I hope you know how much I appreciate your initial confidence in offering me this opportunity. While working nights has allowed me to better learn the operational side of the store, it has had a less positive impact on my lifestyle and relationships.

If the opportunity still exists to work in the district as a full-time floater or if there is any store who needs a full-time pharmacist, I would love to discuss that with you. If you are fully staffe, then dI am also open to floating/working permanently in an adjacent district.

Please feel free to call me during the day whenever you have a moment.

Thanks!!

Better Late Than Never, I Guess

While I am FULLY aware of how belated this, I am also aware of the fact that I made a promise. So... as promised, here are two pictures of the infamous tattoo that Bishop said I couldn't handle, so I did it anyway **I showed him!**

I was good...

And then I wasn't!

The end
**How much do you love those love handles, though??????????**

Since When Does "We" Mean "Me?"

I am a hostage in my own home. The home where I pay an UNGODLY amount of money per month to live. Hostage.

So I'm in my room with the door closed and all I can hear is the sound of packing tape wrapping up my living room. Oh yeah, and HIM. I can hear HIM directing the Mexican moving crew. Guess what I don't hear, though? Better yet, guess WHO I don't hear? His dad. Oh yeah, blog family, this motherfucker came up in here by his DAMN self!!! Alone. Solo. Sans si padre. By himself. So it's him and me. In my house. Two people who used to love each other separated by two years and a bedroom door.

I can't even speak in complete sentences, I am so mad. What if Bishop were here? He has a key to my place. How would it look if he came walking in to find my unbelievably dense exboyfriend traipsing through my place? Crazy, that's how.

Well, he just shouted through the door that they're done (damn, in and out in 15 minutes! I need the number to that moving company!), and I am refusing to come out. Hope he got an eyeful of all of Bishop's pictures placed strategically throughout the house :) Fucking bastard.

"FYI" Will Get You Stabbed in the Streets, Boy

"FYI, we will be there around 8."

**the fuck??**

Did you not hear me when I said I didn't want you in my house? Did your stint in medical school exclude interpersonal communication and understanding? "FYI," though? Word?

I say that I want him to wait until I get home to come inside because I can't guarantee that the dog will be gone by then. So he says, "well isn't Stone in a cage?" NO THE FUCK HE IS NOT IN A GODDAM CAGE? Why would I leave my 70-pound, almost 4-year-old dog in a cage while I work 12 hours? OVeRNIGHT?? Who am I? Michael Motherfucking Vick?

So I very patiently explain to him (all this is taking place via nigga technology: text messages) that I just don't feel comfortable with him in my house when I'm not there. So cool your jets outside. I'll be there when I get there. But know this: your girl is ON FIRE. For real. He really doesn't seem to understand what I'm saying. Please understand the words that are coming out of my mouth: I do not want you and your nigger essence (please send all complaints to Uncle Ruckus at The Boondocks, NOT ME) in my environment.

DAMMIT.

I am AFLAME. Pray for his life.

Fistfight Friday

Back story: I live in a condo that I rent from my girlfriend. We're friends because I used to be in a serious relationship with her brother. Lost him, kept her. Haven't seen him since her wedding last summer. We're talking again and finally getting our old friendship back, but I am finally over my romantic feelings for him. Now his sister and her husband bought a new house and are sending some movers over on Friday to get some of her stuff from my place. The agreement was that her father (who's here because she just had her first baby this week) and the movers would be at my place between 8:30 and 9 a.m. Straight?

Well, last night ex-bf and I were talking on the phone about the new baby when he says, "you know we'll be there Friday, right?"

**silence**

When I regained my voice, I said, "we who?" and he said, "me, my dad, and the movers."

**silence**

Why are you coming to my house? If your sister is paying movers, why do you AND your dad need to be present? Did I ask why you're coming to my house? Who said that was okay? And who was gonna tell me?

**wahhhhhhhh!!!**

I don't want you here! I haven't seen you since last June! Bishop has a key to my house... what if he were there sleeping and you just waltzed your ex-boyfriend ass through the door? He would think that I knew all along and didn't tell him. I know that's what I would think! And he isn't too keen on you anyway. Laugh if you want, but you don't want it with him, I PROMISE. But besides all that: I don't want you in my space. In my home. In my face.

So I asked him not to come. Was that wrong?

More Pharmacy Follies

Its no secret that I'm looking to leave CVS. And since I've decided to both pray on it AND act proactively, I have formulated a list of things that I would like to do and/or say on my last day/night here. Interested? Good...

1. "Hell no I will not page your doctor at 10:30 p.m. because you need a refill on your birth control pills. Shoulda stayed more on top of that pill pack instead of that man! Now beat it."
2. "You seriously think that I'm a racist? Well, hold on... let me dust off my Klan hood and REALLY give your little ass a show!"
3. "What? A complaint? My supervisor? Supervise DESE NUTS!!!!"
4. "Wipe down all countertops and vacuum the floors? Take out the trrash? Um... you did get the memo, right? Ms. Celie wasn't really REAL. That was a movie."
5. Just because your brilliant powers of deduction have told you that I got a new weave doesn't mean you have to work the word "weave" into EVERY goddam conversation we have. FUCK!!!!
6. "Why is the drive thru closed? To encourage lazy motherfuckers like YOU to get out of the car and walk 100 feet into the pharmacy to get your weight loss prescription. Orka. Now drive your ass on THRU!!!!"
7. Mix all the different strengths of Percocet into one pretty rainbow-colored bowl and dispense from that.
8. Hold a Viagra/Levitra/Cialis auction in the parking lot.
9. Tip over every shelf in the pharmacy, thereby forcing the staff to ACTUALLY alphabetize zolpidem under "Z" instead of "A" for Ambien.
10. No the fuck you wouldn't get your prescription any faster if Jennifer was here. Yes, someone is working back here and will be with you just after she finishes helping the FIVE other people who are ahead of you. And NO you CANNOT have "just two tabs" until we fill your prescription because you're running late for work. Now BEAT IT!!!! Thank you, you're the best!

TMI Tuesday (on Thursday)

Forgive me, bloggers, for I have sinned. It has been 8 days since my last post. My penance? More unsolicited information about my life, courtesy of Organized Noise (just paid my cable bill, so next time I'll be able to link that up for ya!).

1. What is the worst/corniest pick up line someone has used on you and/or you used?
Honestly, guys don't try to pick me up, so... I couldn't say.

2. Have you ever gone out on a date with someone and went home with someone else? Explain.
Not a date. But I did go to a party back in '99 with one person and when we found out it was cancelled, I ended up going home with someone else (the now infamous ex bf).

3. What is the worst thing (spread a rumor, hook up with their SO, etc...) that you did to a friend? Did they do anything to deserve it?
I'm good to my friends... always.

4. What is your favorite sex scene in a regular movie (not porn)? Why?
Jada and Blair in "Set It Off," Jada and Allen in "Jason's Lyric" (the scene outside in that field), Sanaa and Wesley in some HBO film (I think) I saw once where he had her pushed up against the refrigerator... **whew!!**

5. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? What would you change on your SO?
Physically I would bring my hair back to its original length. In terms of my personality... I would be more trusting. For Bishop... I would make him an inch or so taller. And I would make him more sensitive.

Bonus (as in optional): What countries, other than your own, have you had sex in? Was it someone on the trip with you? Someone from that country?
Puerto Rico. Just Puerto Rico. **sigh** I'm so lame.

Way TMI Wednesday

Way TMI Wednesday - The "No Sex" Edition

Since I never post these until Wednesdays, I both stole it AND changed the name! Way TMI Wednesday doesn't have much to do with sex today. Enjoy and feel free to answer these yourself.

1. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about?
Over. It just seems weird to me if its over. Sometimes, I'll change it and make it under.

2. Toilet when you are done: everything up, seat down but lid up, everything down?
Seat down, lid up. I always forget the lid.

3. When was the last time you kissed someone not your significant other? [I am talking about a kiss with some gusto not just a little hello or goodbye peck]
That would have to be some time in the beginning of November.

4. Would you rather have your significant other (this can be a hypothetical S.O.) have sex with someone else or fall in love with someone else? [You have to pick one.]
I would say have sex with someone. If he fell in love with someone else there's probably no way I would be able to keep him. Love is a powerful thing.

5. If you had $1,000,000 to give away, how would you divide it up? Who and how much?
Let's see, assuming it was $1,000,000 AFTER taxes, the split would go like this:
10% of the PRE-TAX amount to the church. Tithing always comes first.
$150,000 for college fund for the stepdaughter
$150,000 for my student loans
$400,000 down towards our dream house
$150,000 for cars for both of us
$150,000 to invest

Bonus (as in optional): Tell us something that very few people know about you.
I'm not that interesting, so... okay. Here's one: I've had a sexual experience with a woman.