Evening, guys... another day off, another 24 hours of complete lack of productivity. I guess I should enjoy it since I have to work through the weekend, huh?
Is it just me, or was the season finale of Nip/Tuck pure GARBAGE? I just watched it on DVR, and I was sooooooo disappointed. Granted, this season as a whole has been pretty drab, but the crazy stalker fake agent lady with the Arthur the Aardvark glasses stabbing Sean in the back in the las scene? Not so much, and tres predictable. Oh well, as many of you are probably saying to yourselves: it's just television, Mo. Chill. Okay, chilled.
But speaking of television, raise your hands if you plan to watch Barack Obama roll over Hillary Clinton yet again, my bad, the Democratic Presidential candidate debate.
**waving both hands in the hair**
ME, ME , ME!!!!! According to my CNN countdown, it will be on in 49 minutes and 17, 16, 15 seconds. SI SE PUEDE!!!
I feel strange, guys. This whole thing with my birth parents is so... strange. I don't want anyone to think that I am not grateful to have found them or that I feel any kind of animosity toward either party. It's just that I really don't feel anything at all. Because I didn't enter into the search with any expectations or holes that needed to be filled, I don't feel any differently now that I have located them. John asked me today how I felt now that I have "had time to digest the whole thing." Honestly? I feel like someone who has just read a really interesting story and who wants to tell everyone she knows (plus Oprah) about it. I'm not excited. I'm not overwhelmed. I'm not happy. I'm just.... the same. As far as I can see, Maureen and John are interesting people with interesting lives and an interesting history that somehow is intertwined with mine. Would I like to learn more about them? Sure. Would I like to meet more of this so-called family of mine? Sure, why not. But not because I just can't wait to add to my collection of cousins, aunts, and uncles. Just because they will be more interesting people to add depth to the story. **sigh** I accuse people all the time of being emotional cripples, as if I am some deep, insightful, empathetic person who feels everything and tunes into everyone. Not so much. I am just a woman who met two new people who, through some biological twist of fate, happen to be my parents. I was thinking that maybe I am so nonchalant because, at least as far as Maureen is concerned, she is white, and you all have to know by now that I am not the biggest fan of white people. I grew up in a Black family with Black friends in Black churches and in the shadow of Black idols.... it is so weird to be connected by blood to this white woman from Ohio. Again, no offense is intended here... I just feel disconnected. And as for John... well, I'll choose my words carefully since the walls have ears up in here
**hey computer geek nephew who found me online... how YOU doin?**
I like him. He is Black (yay! Score one for the home team), so that immediately makes the situation at least a little more comfortable. He is funny and kind of charming, but it's just that... he is so happy about this whole thing, and in a way, I am happy for him. But happy in a sense that is disconnected from the situation. Almost as if I am floating in the air above our meeting and taking it all in, but not really a part of the whole thing. He has wanted a daughter for as long as he can remember, but the difference is, I have had a father, and he is pretty cool. So this new father thing is taking some getting used to. But at the same time that I say to myself it's okay not to be all gung ho abouthim, I start to feel that tiny little twinge of guilt around my sternum... guess those are my heartstrings. It's kind of like what I say to people when they are excited about something WAY out of proportion to how I feel about it:
Okay, right now you're at like a 13, and I need you to bring it on down to about... let's say a 2. Mmkay? Thanks.
But I can't say that to him because he is happy and his sisters are happy and his mother is happy (I think) and.... well, you get it. Everybody is happy. Contrast it with Maureen's part of the world where the only person who is happy is her because no one else knows. Yeah- get at that.
Anyway... it's almost debate time, and my steaks are almost done, so... oh yeah, one more thing. Book club starts Sunday with Love in the Time of Cholera. So if you have it or want to buy it, and want to read it with us, you have 72 hours to get started. Smooches!
7 comments:
It may be good to stay calm. Is there really a textbook way to handle this?
I think we just see (on TV and stuff) the happy reunion and instant best friends and stuff. But maybe a lot of the ones we don't see are like yours.
that's my fave book!! what time is book club!? you ain't got to feel no way and certainly not guilt. i don't think any of your readers have traversed such territory before. and those who have likely understand. do you. i don't do debates live b/c i start yelling at the telly.
i'd prob feel the same way you do. like, "true. two more people in my life. cool"
i think its cute that your BF is so excited to finally have a daughter. i do feel bad for maureen; that she can't share her joy.
read cholera, wouldn't mind reading it again with people :-)
V- Probably not, but you're right... I've been brainwashed by Montel and Sally Jesse, etc. who all say that I should be tearful and verclempt (sp?). No ma'am... not I.
Jameil- we're starting Sunday, so I guess maybe we'll discuss the following Sunday? Way to take it tothe 21st century guys!! Book club via IM :) If you're good to me, I'll cook a Rachel Ray recipe and let you listen to me eat it while I utter my opinion of the book :) There's nothing wrong with yelling at the television when you're home alone... someone watching me would think I was insane!
Stace- I don't know... I feel less sympathy for Maureen every day. I asked her if she had ever told her family about me and she said no. So it seems that the only people in her life who know are five of her closest friends; I don't even remember if she said that her husband knows. Yeah, we're reading Cholera; La can't start until Sunday, so I'll finish the book I'm reading now and then get on it. Maybe then I can see the movie.
wheeeeeeee!!! love in the time of cholera and rach at the same time!! faaaaaaabulous!! i give myself a headache and have to turn the channel anyway. bah. can't wait for the im book club.
maybe you feel less sympathetic towards Maureen because no one in her family knows compared to John whose whole family knows...I'm not sure...either way like you said you have parents already so how can you be excited about something that just new to you and you're still trying to figure out. It's like a pair of shoes you're not sure if you want them but you bring them home anyway to look at them in the closet for a month or two then figure out what to wear them with...just my opinion
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