Okay. Is it just me, or is this the absolute WORST AMA's ever? I just got home from work and I'm watching the telecast on tivo. So they opened with Fergie. Now I do love her, but live singing? Not so much. Too Fergalicious. And all that will.i.am? He reminds me of a bootleg Wyclef. Fast forward through all of this lily whiteness. Nicole Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious was super wack too. Bah.

WAIT.



Stop.




Hold the motherfucking phone.



Why does Jimmy Kimmel have Jordyn Sparks and Kelly Pickler up there doin the damn Soulja Boy? Oh HELL no. White coonery. Great.

But when that boy from the Jonas Brothers straight BUSTED HIS ASS, it stole the show for me!!!! Priceless.
High School Musical over Dreamgirls? Uhh.... okay. Now what is that on Rihanna's head? And why is she singing "Umbrella" to a full orchestra? Ne-yo is saving her ass. Pitiful.

WHAT THE?????? Is this for real? To the left to the left? Is that a honky tonk cracker singing a Beyonce song? Seriously? No, seriously? **And as a side note, Jay must be KILLIN that because those jeans are SNUGalicious** Sugarland sings the hits. My God. It's the Apocalypse.

Did he just introduce Solange as an "artist who sings, writes, and produces?" Was he trying to play her? And where did she get that weird dress and hair? No way is this American Idol castoff Daughtry better than Norah Jones and John Mayer. No way.

Celine Dion is still writing songs? Cool. Ride that gravy train, bitch! LENNY KRAVITZ!!!! Just when I was getting ready to hit fast forward. Love him! Yummo. Is that Biggie? Fat Albert? Keenan? Kel? Maybe if you took off those damn schmedium ass glasses, you could read the teleprompter, you fake ass reggae singer.

Lawd was that MC Hammer and Karyn White on the flashback? Hells yeah. Wow Jenny Garth looks FAB. Ooh its my jailbait boyfriend Chris Brown! Love him so much... what a cutie pie! I'm a country boy from Tappahanock, VA... ah well. Enough of that. I think I hearted his VMA performance better. Okay, but that ending was fiyah.

Oh look at Alicia pretending to be interested in Usher singing to her. How very hetero of her. Why does Ashley Tisdale look like Ashlee Simpson's twin sister? Wow... freaky. I. Am. So. Sick. Of. This. Song. Sooooooooooo sick. Sick. Is this the reggae remix? For real? Okay. Murder She Wrote with a dance break? So much. Beanie Man. Well, she does look fantastic.

Has Usher really "conquered the fragrance world?" Boo-yah. Tongue tied much, Ush? Oh my beloved B. So beautiful. Good job. And those diamond Lorraine Schwarz bangles? Get it B.

**Is Usher illiterate?**

And why is Solange mean muggin her sister? Hate hate hate hate. Ooh I love this new Mary song. Her shae is amazing in that getup. I'm so jealous of anyone who can wear thigh boots. Did she jut bring back the WOP?? Love it. One time for the 80's. Nice wig too. Remember when my hair was cut like that. Very flattering for her. I love that she's just out there with her mic gettin her groove on. Old school style.

Okay I need to sleep. No more recap. I'm sure it doesn't get any better anyway.