Then... and Now

"I want you. Real talk. Like we used to back in the day."

Back in the day.
**Disclaimer: creative license has been invoked on some of the dialogue because I am old as hell and can't be expected to remember every single word of every conversation I had back then.**

I am looking at him across the table, trying to keep my knees from trembling. What the fuck? I KNOWWWWW that I am not trippin over this date. It's a date. A DATE. Like any other date. But wait, I don't go on dates. Maybe that's why I'm trippin. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Surely it's not the fact that he keeps looking at me like he can see right through me. Nah, couldn't be. And it surely isn't because he keeps licking his lips which ordinarily would make me laugh at the pure wackness of it all, but on him, it just makes me wonder what those lips taste like. Nah, never that. Well, whatever the reason is, this boy has me pressing my knees together under the table to keep them from shaking the silverware. **sigh** This one is going to be tough.

Man, it's cold out here. Thank God I parked my car right in front of the door because otherwise I might freeze before I make it to those wonderfully heated seats. I wonder if.... Aww what the hell... "Hop in, let me give you a ride to your car. It's too cold out here for you to walk." Said the spider to the fly... **snicker** Who am I kidding? As much as I would like to think that I have the upper hand in this situation, I sooooo do not. This little boy has me wrapped around every single one of his fingers and the worst part of all is that he seems to know it. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. You know if you don't breathe, you'll like die or something, right? Good girl. Okay here's his car. Is he gonna get out without even trying to kiss me goodnight? That would suck MASSIVELY. "Well, this was fun. We should do it again some time." And he EXTENDS HIS HAND. Yeah, like we just closed some sort of high-powered business deal or something. Seriously? I just went out on a date for the first time in I can't even remember how long, and this child is going to shake my hand???? NO SIR. I simply will not go out like that. "You know, life is a gamble. You really should take some chances." He cocked his head to the side like he was regarding some sort of creature that just landed from outer space. "Worrrrd? Well okay." And he leans in.

And then I died.

Yep, right there in the front seat of my truck in the parking lot of my favorite restaurant in the icy middle of November. I died.

That was, quite possibly, the best kiss I have ever had IN MY LIFE. Better than my first kiss (not even a comparison). Better than the first kiss from The Ex (and that was a good one). This kiss was the kind that makes you stop in the middle and say "wait wait wait... hold on a minute" just so you can catch your breath. The kind of kiss that you pull away from and have to check your wallet to remember your name. Yeah, that's right. The name you've had since you were- oh I don't know- BORN. That was how this boy kissed me. Now I'm sitting here looking at him looking at me, trying to figure out how I can get him out of my car before my jeans unzip themselves and he never calls me again after tonight. Now everybody knows that I am not the "one night stand" kind of girl. I'm the shy girl. I'm the girl who looks down at the floor when a man looks at her because she can't bear the idea of being the center of attention. But tonight, I would SOOOOOO turn into someone else. Tonight I would be the girl who turns the key in the ignition and drives home with the boy in her car while promising vaguely to bring him back to get his "some time tomorrow." Tonight I am the girl who- if this boy kisses me one more time- might just melt into a puddle on the floor.

You know the kind of kisses where he (or she- whatever you like!) grabs your face in both hands and kisses you until you forget where you are? Or when he puts his hand on your jawline right under your ear and kinda pulls you toward him while his fingers are in your hair and just.... HANDLES YOU? Yeah, well... that was that kiss. And every one after that for the next three hours. Because the boy that I wasn't even supposed to give my real phone number to just got me sprung, and I haven't even seen below the belt. He had me pinned to the driver's door of my truck at 1:00 in the morning for three hours and all we were doing was kissing. KISSING. This boy was kissing me like.... like he could see into my brain and knew exactly what I liked, exactly what it would take to get me where he wanted me.

And now it's now. We've done some things and seen some people and been some places. But all I really want to say to him is "I want you. Real talk. Like we used to do it back in the day."