It's Not Them... It's YOU!!!!

I was listening to the Russ Parr morning show today on my way to yet another boring day of health care professionalism, when something caught my attention. They were discussing a letter from a listener (gender indeterminate) that brought up whether there really are a select few quality Black men or whether it's really something else. The direct quote was, "It's not there are only a few good Black men out there, it's YOU." Wow. The profound nature of that comment almost made me pull of the road! What if there really are plenty of wonderful Black men out there, and the problem is actually me? Their conversation went on to mention all of the stereotypes of Black womanhood: the bitter Black woman, the negative Black woman, the Black woman with baggage... but throughout it all, the moral of the story was that it's not the man, it's YOU. One female caller asked the question, "What is your romantic love market?" What are you bringing to the table that would warrant a second glance from a handsome, successful, Black man? And that is when I experienced an epiphany: until I can honestly say that I am the most presentable Monique I can be, I can't be mad when all I attract is the same old guys - the liars, the cheats, the dregs at the bottom of the cup of strong, rich, flavorful Black coffee. I can't allow the baggage from the past to weigh me down, and I certainly cannot expect any new man in my life to carry that baggage for me. Even the gentleman with whom I am currently spending my time - he is what he is, and I shouldn't try to make him into something that he's not. My biggest problem has always been trying to shape someone to fit the mold that I have already made for them and trying to relate instead of date.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... the moral of the story? It's not them, it's me - and I am working on that.