Dude... A Stingray??

Okay, I realize that there is nothing really funny about Steve Irwin dying this morning, but come on, a STINGRAY? Who gets stung by a stingray in the HEART??? This guy is up here wrestling alligators, sneaking up on animals that I can't even pronounce their names, and he gets stung in the heart by a stingray while filming a special in Australia? Man, comedy can be found in the strangesdt places. R.I.P. Crocodile Hunter.

RING THE ALARM!!!!!!

Oh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, but I am in this weird state of crazed, overwhelming, all-encompassing, slightly orgasmic excitement right now. Why, you ask? Well, let me tell you.

Last night I was at my house in Jersey City giving my dog a bath (after the unintentional one we got when I tried to walk him in Tropical Storm Ernesto). They started playing all of these Beyonce songs on Power 105 and I heard a commercial about winning something... blah, blah, blah.... Friday, blah, blah, blah.... BEYONCE. STOP THE PRESSES. I turned the water off, left the dog in the bathtub, and ran to my room to turn up the radio. They were saying to call in to win, so I frantically pick up my cell phone and my house phone and start dialing 1-800-585-1051. After about a million busy signals and a couple of false alarms where it rung but no one ever picked up, I realized that I was not going to win whatever "it" was that had to do with Beyonce. So I despondently go back to washing my very bewildered dog (who was sitting in my bathtub looking at me like I was the worst owner in the world). Mind you, I don't even know what I have lost, but I know that it had to do with Beyonce, and that in itself had to be a bummer.

Fast forward to 8:30 p.m. I am just getting ready to turn the radio off and go back to reading "The Devil Wears Prada" (fabulous read, by the way) when I heard DJ Whoever She Is (hereafter known as DJ WSI) say that she was going to play the sounder again before the 9:00 hour. Again, I had no idea what I was calling for, but it had to be good if it was about Beyonce, right? So at 8:45 p.m. she played the sounder, and I snatched up my two phones again. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buhhhh (busy signal). Ring ring ring, "Number 100." Click. What the hell does that mean? Was I caller 100? So I dialed on my cell phone one more time and that's when I heard the magic words, "Power 105, who's this?"
Me: Uh, Monique?
DJ WSI: Where are you calling from?
Me: Uh, Jersey City?
DJ WSI: Well did you know that Beyonce has a birthday coming up on Monday?
Me: Um, yes...
DJ WSI: Well how would you like to meet her on Friday at Planet Hollywood, blah blah blah blah.....
Me: AIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmyGod!! NO WAY!!! I am going to die!! I love Beyonce! Thank you so much! Thank you!!
DJ WSI: Don't die, then you won't get to meet Beyonce on Friday! Go Monique, it's your birthday (well it's not really your birthday), you're gon' party like it's your birthday!!!

And that's when I lost touch with reality and started singing (AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS), "Ring the alarm! I've been at this too long!! And I'll be damn if I see another chick on your arm!!" WHAT????? So after I was on hold for a while and got to hear how truly ridiculous I sounded on the radio (I have discovered since then that they are playing my call as that one really excited winner at least every hour!), DJ WSI got all of my information and told me that the Promotions Department would call me on Tuesday with the details of my prize. I haven't stopped dancing since. I proceeded to play every Beyonce song that I have on my ipod and dance around my house to the point where the neighbors started banging on the ceiling. I called everyone I knew (but NO ONE was answering the phone!) and leaving these insane voicemail messages. Finally I managed to get PYT who drummed up at least a little excitement for me (thanks, man.

Well, boys and girls, your blogger pal Monique is going to get her dream.... I AM GOING TO MEET BEYONCE ON FRIDAY!!!!!! So if you never hear from me again, it's because I died in Times Square, but please believe that it was with a glad heart :)

Oh So Pretty....

I look pretty.

Okay, for those of you who know me, you are probably scratching your heads and thinking to yourself, "Somthing must be wrong. Monique NEVER says she looks pretty. As a matter of fact, every time she even HEARS the word 'pretty,' she goes and finds her brightest red and white shirt and breaks out in the Sweetheart Song!" (you got THAT right!)

But today, I am sort of in shock: I really do look pretty. I got my hair done yesterday, and my stylist convinced me to let her set my hair on these weird twisty, bended rod-like contraptions. She swore that I would come out with these bautiful curls all over my head. "Now Tina, are you sure that my hair isn't too short for that?" She said no. "Tina, are you certain that I won't look like a Q-Tip?" She sighed, but stuck with no. "Okay Tina, are you absolutely POSITIVE that I won't look like I have a giant frizball on my head?" She then just pushed me down in the chair and turned on the water. When my hair was FINALLY finished drying (three hours later) and all the weird twisty things were out, I was about to cry. I looked like the posterchild for why white girls get their hair thermally straightened. Too many curls, too much head, not enough confidence. But she just kept saying in this incredibly soothing voice that the curls will fall and it will be beautiful. And (wonder of all wonders), she was right! I just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror (okay, I just spent ten minutes looking at my hair from every conceivable angle... sheesh, guys!), and I think that I actually do look pretty. Not stunning, not beautiful, but pretty... and actually kinda New York fly. So in a few minutes when I am walking briskly down 5th Avenue toward the subway at Union Square in my cute little denim trench coat (yes, guys... it's CHILLY here today!), I think I might actually feel like I belong here...

I LOOK PRETTY :)

I usually NEVER have this much to talk about in a 24-hour period of time, but I was surfing the Net on company time (SURPRISE), and I found this story: http://news.yahoo.com/s/eo/20060823/en_tv_eo/19833 To summarize, the new season of Survivor will segregate its contestants based on race. There will be four groups: Asians, African Americans, Hispanics, and whites. Now, I might be the last person ib the world to read this story, but it really rubbed me the wrong way. Does anyone else feel just a little exploited by a network television show segregating its participants for all the world to see? Inquiring minds want to know...

And along those same lines, why did my chief resident say to me the other day (with a perfectly straight face) that she is afraid of Black people? WHAT? Did she not realize that I am one of those people? And more importantly, is it EVER appropriate to make a statement that you are afraid of an entire race of people? Granted she is from Latvia, and she really doesn't seem to have a good grasp on what is and is not appropriate in our culture, but still.... "I am afraid of Black people?" Riiiiiight. One time she even said that a patient was so black that he was "almost blue," and that she had never seen anyone so dark before. Again, WHAT???

Kleptomania

I am getting to be a bit of a kleptomaniac, but I have found yet another post on soemone else's blog that I wish to emulate (I prefer to say "emulate" because it sounds better thbn "steal!").

Grub-ology:
* What is your salad dressing of choice?
Sundried tomato or raspberry vinaigrette

* What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
Popeyes or McDonalds

* What is your favorite sit down restaurant?
Ruth Chris

* On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
Either ten or twenty percent (I'm too lazy to figure out the in between!)

* What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Rice

* Name three foods you detest above all others.
Liver, brussel sprouts, beets

* What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant?
Spring rolls

* What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Pepperoni, extra cheese, mushrooms, black olives, banana peppers, green peppers

* What do you like to put on your toast?
Butter and blackberry jam

* What is your favorite type of gum?
Orbitz (the blue package)

Tech-ology:
* Number of contacts in your cell phone?
Maybe 50

* Number of contacts in your e-mail address book?
Umm... I'd have to count, but probably a lot because gmail automatically adds people whenever you send them a message

* What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A picture of me and my mom

* What is your screensaver on your computer?
Same

* Are there naked pictures saved on your computer?
No

* How many land line phones do you have in your house?
One

* How many televisions are in your house?
Two

* What kitchen appliance do you use the least?
Coffee maker

* What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most?
R&B and hip-hop

Bi-ology:
* What do you consider to be your best physical attribute?
My height

* Are you right handed or left handed?
Right

* Do you like your smile?
Um, I guess so... sometimes I think it's a little big

* Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Fat

* Would you like to?
have more fat removed? Absolutely

* Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom?
Depends on how long I'm in there.

* Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
Smell, definitely smell.

* When was the last time you had a cavity?
I have two now, just too chicken to get those bad boys taken care of!

* What is the heaviest item you lift regularly?
My dog

* Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
No

Misc-ology:
* If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
No, because then I would drive myself crazy trying to do everything before the day came.

* If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?
I wouldn't change it, I guess.... any other female names I could think of I'm saving for my daughter(s)

* How do you express your artistic side?
I write

* What color do you think you look best in?
Brown or black

* How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison?
A few hours

* Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
Now THAT is funny..... yes, I have

* If we weren't bound by society's conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at?
No, I used to have a crush on an older cousin, but now I realize that he's an ass

* How often do you go to church?
Lately, I have tried to go every weekend (when I have Sunday off).

* Have you ever saved someone's life?
If I have, I don't know about it

* Has someone ever saved yours?
With his words, absolutely

Dare-ology:
For this last section, if you would do it for less or more money, indicate how much.
* Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
Are you kidding? In my current financial situation, I would probably walk naked through Times Square for $100,000

* Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
No, but I would consider it strongly for more money

* Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000?
$10,000 is a lot of money, but no

* Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
Hell no

* Would you never blog again for $50,000?
Sheeeeeeeit.... a blog? Who needs it?

* Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
In a heartbeat, but that probably would be the last issue of that particular magazine :(

* Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Yes - Fear Factor style

* Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
Without fear of punishment in this life or a later one? No, probably not

* Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000?
Make it $10,000, and yes.

* Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
Absolutely. I would just work more.

Sucker Punched

I have a question for you guys out there in blogland... please let me know what you think. Why is it that when you finally hear something out loud that you always knew to be true, it hurts so bad? You know, like when you assume that something is happening, but you can't prove it because nobody has said it out loud.... and then you finally get verbal confirmation. I feel like I just got sucker punched. If it makes sense to you without the details, tell me what you think...

Showing My Age Again

Someone tells me often that I am always saying things to give away my age.... but when I saw this on Russatta's blog, I couldn't resist. I can't help but look back and take yall with me, so here we go....

Ten years ago, it was August 6, 1996. What a difference a decade makes.

How old were you?
Then: 18
Now: 28

Where did you work?
Then: At the Pentagon as an intern in my mom's office... doing something with hiring faculty members from HBCU's to work for the government.
Now: I'm a pharmacist at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York

Where did you live?
Then: Arlington, Virginia during the week and Newport News, Virginia on the weekends
Now: Jersey City, New Jersey

How was your hairstyle?
Then: Mid-back press and curl - that was before the relaxers took hold and I got scissor happy!
Now: Hmm... shoulder length curls.

Did you wear contacts?
Then: No - my mom thought it was ridiculous to have contacts when you could just wear glasses.
Now: Absolutely - I am blind as a bat without them!

Did you wear glasses?
Then: All the time - did I mention that I was blind?
Now: I am supposed to wear them at night instead of glasses, but I am really bad about that. I wear them when I am running crazy late or when a friend says, "You should wear your glasses - you look cute in them!"

Which of your pets was still alive?
Then: I didn't have pets then.
Now: My beloved Stone - he's a pit bull :)

Who was your boyfriend?
Then: I was just starting to date this guy named Rob.
Now: Don't you read my blog? I am so painfully single.

Who was your celebrity crush?
Then: Who knows? It could have been just about anyone - I've always been starstruck.
Now: Hmm... LL Cool J, Dwyane Wade, Jay Z, Boris Kodjoe, and my one girl crush, Beyonce

How many piercings did you have?
Then: None.
Now: One in each ear. Had one in my navel, but I let it close.

How many tattoos did you have?
Then: None.
Now: One at the small of my back of a butterfly.

Who was you favorite singer/band?
Then: I have no idea - that was TEN YEARS AGO!!!!
Now: I like a lot of people - Beyonce for a little female R&B, Anthony Hamilton for when I want to hear a man's woes, Jay Z when I want some hip hop that still makes me feel good, and a little metal for when I feel like quitting my job

Had you smoked a cigarette?
Then: No.
Now: I smoked a few Black and Mild's after college.... that lasted all of a minute and a half.

Had you gotten drunk?
Then: Had never had a drink at that point - mom's didn't play that!
Now: I have been drunk one time, and it was terrible. The rest of the time, I was pleasantly intoxicated :)

What kind of car did you drive?
Then: I'm sorry, did you say CAR? Yeah, right. I rode in whatever my mom was driving.
Now: A 2002 Saturn.

Looking back, are you where you thought you would be in 2006?
Then: Sadly, no. I thought I woukd be a docor, and I definitely didn't think I would ever be in New York. My, how things change....

I'll take this opportunity to make a few predictions for August 5, 2016.

Age: 38
Job: I have no idea, but hopefully it will be something I enjoy.
Location: Anywhere beautiful.
Hairstyle: No telling - hopefully the Dominicans will be able to get it to grow!
Family: Married (please, God!) with at least one child.
Contacts/Glasses: At the rate my vision is deteriorating, that's probably the only option I'll have left!
Pets: Hopefully I will still have Stone!
Boyfriend: Hopefully I'll be done with those.
Celebrity Crush: My husband?????
Piercings/Tattoos: Same, maybe a new tattoo some place inconspicuous.
Favorite Artist/Band/Singer: Wonder what kind of music they'll be playing then?
Home: A 2-3 bedroom house with a yard and some land.
Accomplishments: Finding a job that I love and am good at and a husband who loves God and me.
Volunteer work: Tutoring.
My Ride: A Mercedes CLS.
Drinking: At dinner parties that I host with my husband in our beautiful home and at my co-workers fabulous summer homes :)

When Keeping It Real Gets Expensive

New York City is an expensive place to live. Expensive to eat, expensive to drive, expensive to go out, but most of all, it is expensive to get your hair done. Now I know all you ladies out there are prbably saying, "Girl, go to the Dominicans! They can hook up a roller set for $25!" Well, my hair is too short for a roller set right now (or at least one that will look halfway decent), so I am stuck with going to my friend's stylist (who is actually quite good, just very expensive by VA standards). After getting my second paycheck of the new job, I have come to a very disturbing realization: I cannot afford to keep my hair up here the way I did at home (weekly trips to the salon with healthy tips for good service). So I have decided that I will have to work in monthly trips back to VA where I know I can get exactly what I want while simultaneously leaving with enough money to eat and put gas in my car. In the meantime, I have decided that keeping the real hair is just too much trouble, and I have been wearing wigs that my stylist at home made for me before I left. Of course everyone at work (all the white people and various people of Western European lineage) thinks that it is just "so cool the way that your hair curls up like that!!!" (like in the graduation picture from a previous blog). I guess only I know that my own hair is nestled comfortably underneath in a tight wrap :) So this morning, I switched it up and went straight. Oh Lord, why did I do that? "Oh my God!! How do you get your hair so straight?" "Oh Monique, I just love the blonde on top - you look kinda like... what's that rap girl.... Keshia Knight Pulliam?" (no, Becky. Her name is Keyshia Cole, if you must know). Or I also got, "Oooh... your hair is just so...." and then she made this gesture with her hand that I guess was supposed to mean "wow" or "ooh, ahh." SIGH.... when keeping it real gets expensive, sometimes you have to take one for the team (here's the hair from today).

Oh No She Didn't!!!

This post comes complements of Jameil who requested (at her own peril, I'm afraid) that I keep yall up to date on the NATO meetings that take place in my office every weekday from 7:30 to 6:00 p.m. Okay.... so there are now four residents (one decided, for whatever reason, to arrive two weeks late). We are all crammed into this little ass office with no windows. Originally there were only three desks, so when the carpenter came to make the fourth desk, he made it EXTRA big. Now I've probably mentioned this before, but I am an extra big (extra TALL, not extra fat, in case you were snickering behind your hand!) chick. So when I saw the opportunity for the big desk, I snatched it. The down side (which I didn't realize until I had moved all of my things) is that there is no phone jack or computer connection on that side of the room (I know, I know: God doesn't like ugly!). So I have to wait an indeterminant period of time to get both of those extremely important pieces of technology. That's probably just what I get for getting all greedy and eager beaver with the big shit, but hey! It's that damn only child syndrome rearing its ugly head again.
Because of the computer and phone shortages, we are supposed to take turns with their uses so that everyone could get their responsibilities taken care of. So this morning I had to write some reports for an 11:00 meeting. Not check my email, not cath up on yall's AMAZINGLY HYSTERICAL lives via blogland, but to ACTUALLY do what they are paying me for. Don't you know that the Chinese one says to me: "No, you need to use the computer in the hall. I have something to do on MY computer." Actually, it came out more like this: "No, you use compootah in haw. I hah someting do on MY compootah." Now first of all, the last time I checked, these COMPOOTAHS belong to the medical center. And second of all, did she just tell me to move to the equivalent of the back of the bus? The computer in the HALL? Oh hell naw!!! Did I mention that she proceeded to not even do any work on her computer? She just sat at the desk and pushed a couple of keys every few minutes to make noise. After I went into the hall (seething the whole way), I realized that the computer there isn't connected to the network, and I ended up having to use her computer after all. So after much ado, she gets up, but issues the warning that "I need to hurry up because (she) has work to do."
Now here is where the "oh no she didn't" comes in. When I finish using the computer and go back to my desk, why does this child break out the bottle of rubbing alcohol and the box of Kleenex and proceed to thoroughly WIPE DOWN her entire work space including the phone (which I didn't even use)? Oh okay, so the latest guidelines from the World Health Organization with a cc'd copy to the Centers for Disease Control stated that Negro is a stage IV contagious disease now? I mean, cause that's exactly how she was acting. So for the rest of the day the dumb ass hasn't been able to look me in the eye. OKAYYYYYYYYYYY.... so when she got back from lunch, I was strategically placed at her desk with my feet propped up on the desk drawer, my ear plastered to the phone (talking to my boo, the DIAL TONE), and my fingers stuck to her keyboard, all the while writing this post for you guys' entertainment. So you want to wipe some shit down? WIPE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. (written a few hours later) And now the Russian wants to know where I am going and why I am not staying until six o'clock. I AM NOT YOUR SUBORDINATE!!!!! WE ARE EQUALS... except I speak the language fluently. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!! Sorry, guys... PYT says that I should be more positive and not emphasize the negative all of the time, so I will try my absolute hardest to make this my last negative post about my job (or least to counterbalance every negative with a positive). Sorry, but that's the best I can do :)

Employment is Overrated

Okay, I know that I am late to this whole "work for a living" game. Many of you have already graduated from college/graduate school and have been in the worforce for quite a minute. But as someone who has only ever worked part-time in various somewhat interesting and moderately well-paying jobs, this shit is FOR THE BIRDS!!!! I always knew that I wasn't cut out to punch a timeclock, and this residency has already reinforced that decision to the tenth power. My co-residents speak VERY heavily accented English (when they aren't reverting back to their native tongues - that would be Korean and Russian, respectively). They seem to have already formed their own little "minority, but not really" clique in the office, so here I am, the only Black woman in the DEPARTMENT, and the only resident not eligible for Social Security. Okay, so I am exaggerating on the age thing. But both of them do have children who are seniors in high school, so either way, they are WAY old compared to me. Together they have decided to map out our entire year on this really ugly wall calendar... I mean, they have the schedule written in all these different colors and codes.... UGH!! Can I at least decide which health plan I want to sign up for and whether I plan to drive or take the train every day before they plan my freaking lunch break on January 3, 2007 out for me too? WOOOOOOOSAHHHHH!!!!! I just keep telling myself that once they unleash me on some patients and I can spend my entire day out on the floors actually impacting peoples' lives (I mean, isn't that what they're paying me for?) that I will feel a lot better. One can only hope... because right now, I am splitting my time between (1)deciding whether or not to slit my wrists here in the office or out in the main pharmacy and (2) what lie I can tell my supervisor so that I can leave early and catch a glimpse of Beyonce outside the 106 & Park studio tomorrow night. Ahh, the life of the working poor :)

Falling Star

Now, I know... most of you are either tired of hearing about this topic by now or never gave an ish in the first place, but I just can't help myself..... GO STAR JONES REYNOLDS!!!!!!!!!!! Now before anyone goes off calling me a hypocrite, let me issue a disclaimer: I am not nor have I ever been a raging fan of the lovely Mrs. Gay, I mean Jones Reynolds. However, I just can't help but respect the way she handled the whole getting fired thing. First ABC decides not to renew her contract (which they were well within their rights to do) citing "ratings issues." But the episodes that they claimed were responsible for tanking the ratings (the ones where she was planning and gushing endlessly about her upcoming wedding) were actually the highest rated five episodes out of the top ten of the year (go figure). But Star sucked it up and she agreed with the network on a departure date of July 13. Apparently Barbara Walters spoke with Star in private and told her that she could make up whatever lie she wanted to avoid saying that she had been fired, and she would have the support of Ms. Walters and the entire ABC powers that be. But Star refused to let them off that easy and decided to leave the show on her own terms. So yesterday morning she halted the aged Ms. Walters mid-sentence and announced that secondary to the network's decision to "take the show in a different direction for their 10th season," she had decided to leave her position. That little announcement (which was supposed to take place on Thursday, June 28th according to her agreement with the network) was met with cries of "Oh my goodness! How shocking!" by her co=hosts. But was it really? EVERYONE at ABC knew that Star was leaving, and the only thing that was a surprise was that she grew some balls overnight and decided to do it the way SHE wanted to do it.
Now this morning Barbara Walters has told the New York Post that she feels "betrayed and hurt," and that she simply cannot undstand why Star would choose to announce her departure in such a public and ugly way. WHAT??????? Bitch, she was FIRED.... what did you want her to do? Sit through one of those foolish goodbye shows like the one they gave Meredith Viera and smile through it all???? HELL NO!!! And to top it all of, Ms. Walters called Star's agent and stated that she did not want Star to come to work today. So what does Mrs. Gay, I mean Jones Reynolds, do? She says THE HELL WITH IT...I ain't coming back at all.... BITCHES!!!!!!! Now that's what I'm talking about. She tried to handle it with dignity and grace. She took the unlubricated shaft up the ass without flinching, but she gets it yet again. So she bounced, and I have to say that I support her 100%. The View has since removed her picture from their website, their opening credits, and any official publications carrying their name - almost as if she never existed. DAMN!!!
I guess I am only captured by this story because people here in New York are going crazy over it, and also because I just can't stand to see the media trying to turn personal issues into a public lynching. Star Jone Reynolds was fired because of the haters... she lost a lot of weight, refused to talk about it publicly (and why should she?), and kept it moving while doing what she was paid to do: HER DAMN JOB!! And what does she get for her trouble? Angry white people. SIGH..... so like I said. I am still not a huge fan of Star Jones Reynolds, but I just can't help feeling bad for the way that she is being treated.

Britney Weird

Okay, so I was trying to avoid commenting on that God-awful interview of Britney Spears by Matt Lauer, but my patience has run out. I saw the second half of it when it originally aired, and then I caught it in its completion when the network had the nerve to re-air it... all I can really say about the experience is DAMN. How did some wholesome white girl from the dirty Souf (yeah, I said "Souf") grow up to be such a trailer dwelling, gum chewing, milk-engorged breast exposing MOTHER???? I can't even wrap my mind around it, so I will direct yall to my new favorite blog for the complete recap. It is written by Melissa who used to be on the Real World (New Orleans, I think)... I loved her on the show, but I had NO IDEA that she is so damn funny. So check out Princess Melissa.

15, 30, 35.....

Okay. So I have been in the tri-state area (babe, did we ever figure out what that third state was?) for 72 hours, and I finally decided to venture into the subway system. WHOAH. First of all, why is there a train for every season - 4, 5, 6, L, M, N, O, blah blah blah. Why could I not figure out where I was going, then when I got on the train, it turned out to tbe the wrong freaking one???? So then I had to get off the first train and totally branch out from the directions my girlfriend gave me to try and get back to catch train number two. Good Lord..... hence the title of my post. I know it probablt isn't funny to anyone else, but I felt like Mike Epps in that stupid movie with Ice Cube: "15, 30, 35, 37... a-duh-duh-duh-duh.... 45, 47!!!!!" I couldn't figure out which way was up, but I finally made it home.
And oh yeah... had a random celebrity siting today. Before I left to move up here, my newly discovered psychic manfriend told me that I would meet Malik Yoba on the street and that his lips would probably be ashy (damn, I know!). So I walking up 8th Avenue in Chelsea after trying for ten minutes to hail a cab, and finally I catch one. I get in and we immediately have to stop at a stoplight. I look ut the window on my side (we are in the far right lane, right next to the curb) where I see this VERY fine, VERY tall Black man getting out of a white Mercedes and heading toward this little corner deli. As he is closing his door, he looks up toward traffic, and I see that it is.... MALIK YOBA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And no, his lips were most definitely NOT ashy!! I was so thrown that I couldn't even reach the button to roll down the window in the cab. I just sat there looking like Boo Boo the Fool mouthing the words, "Omigod!!! Malik Yoba!!!" If he saw me at all (which I doubt), he was probably thinking to himself, "What a dumbass!!" **SIGH** Maybe next time my timing will be better, and I'll actually be on the street instead of locked inside of a vehicle :)

20 Questions... Remember That Game?

1. If you could be doing what you really want to be doing for a living, what would it be?
I would be a professional shopper. You know, those people who spend their days picking out beautiful clothes for sometimes not so beautiful people... and they get paid for it. It would involve my two of my favorite things: shopping and money.
2. If you could slap the crap out of any famous person, alive or dead, who would it be?
Hmm.... I would think that this would be easier than it is. But if I had to choose one person, it would be (and I apologize for copying those who came before me) yall's President, George W. Bush. Yes, I know I could be writing to you from the inside of a torture basement by tomorrow for writing that, but hey - it's how I feel.
3. What's the dumbest decision you've made in the past 5 years?
Giving the right guy the wrong finger.... thankfully I got the message (MESSAGE!) one day and cut him loose before I did too much damage. I will always regret saying yes to marriage, but I will always be thankful that I woke up before we reached the altar.
4. Give up for one year: (good) sex or (good) music.
Good sex, hands down. But does that mean that you won't have ANY sex or you just won'thave any GOOD sex??? Hmm.... well, either way, I would give up the magic stick before I would give up my ipod. If you read my last post, you know how much I love just the right song.
5. Dudes, would you rather have a big dick or a good sense of humor? Ladies, nice tits & ass or common sense?
This one is a no brainer: COMMON SENSE. Too many people are walking around with oo little of that, and it drives me CRAZY!! I really don't have too much in the way of "T," so I can't say I'd miss it. But I'd sacrifice all this "A" in a minute if the aternative was no common sense!
6. So you've been invited to an all expense paid Blogger Prom in the Bahamas. You're sitting at a bar on the beach. WHich blogger do you want to join you for hours of good convo?
First of all, I want to know why blogspot is so cheap... the Bahamas? Oh well, free vacation. But I would have to say that my first choice would be Jarrod. He keeps me laughing all the time, and since I wouldn't really know anyone else, he would dance with me :)
7. Which blogger would you most like to cuddle with on the beach? (And don't defer to your current signinifcant other, either. Infidelity won't count against you. Duh).
Umm, this is isn't really hard either. Again, being relatively new to blogger land means that I only know one cuddle-worthy blogger, the man with the random thoughts. I like to cuddle with him.
8. You're going on a 5 hour road trip... which CDs do you bring?
Lauryn Hill - The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill
R Kelly - TP2
Mariah Carey - The Emancipation of Mimi
Two mix CDs from my collection... maybe one gospel and one hip hop.
9. Would you rather bury your children young or have your children bury you young?
That's a very difficult decisiont to make. I guess I would rather bury my children young. Even though it would be incredibly sad, I would know that God brought them back to be close to Him before they had a chance to experience too much of the sadness and pain that life too often serves up. Even though I wasn't all that young, burying my mother was unbearable. I would never want that for my children. Never.
10. What's your biggest insecurity?
Interacting with men.
11. What's the first blog you read every day... or however often you read them?
PYT. But he's been slipping on the regular updates lately, so then I check Jameil and Russatta because they always have something new and interesting to say.
12. When's the last time you peed your pants?
I honestly don't remember ever doing that. I am pretty sure that it happened at some point, maybe I've repressed the experience, but I just don't remember.
13. Which was better, your first kiss or your first paycheck?
PAYCHECK!!!!!!! I was working at the Pentagon, and say what you will about our President, but them government jobs pay LOVELY!!! The first kiss was in seventh grade with some boy that I thought was unbelievably cute, but now can't even remember his name!
14. Do you have kids? Want kids?
No, I do not have any children yet, but I would love to have some. I used to say that I only wanted one, so anyone who knows me from way back when would be shocked to hear that. But ideally I would like to have two children, and I pray that I will be a third of the mother to them that mine was to me.
15. You get dropped off at home after the office holiday party by your bitch azz boss that you can't effing stand...you exit the car and he peels out, runs a red light at your corner and rolls up an unsuspecting midget. The next day the midget watch groups are on TV outraged at the heartless hit and run, and are calling for any witnesses to please come forward...that half dead midget has a family at home waiting on C-mas presents. Would you take $1000 hush money? $500? $100? A six pack?
Okay, now yall KNOW how I feel about midgets!! I wouldn't even need the hush money -I'd keep quiet for free.
16. Live the rest of your life without your eyebrows or your fingernails?
Oh hell to the naw!!! No eyebrows? No ma'am!! I have such a problem with getting my eyebrows right, that I would have to say that I could do without those fingernails.
17. What makes you angry?
Liars, cheaters, thieves, injustice, abuse of power.
18. What makes you horny?
A soft touch at the base of my neck, TP2, a confident man, thunderstorms, wine, when a man holds my face while he's kissing me.
19. What makes you nervous?
Dramatic change, going on a date with a new man, staring, compliments, first impressions.
20. What makes you smile?
Giggling children, a song from "back in the day," success, a good book on a terrible day, SHOES, my boo (yeah, you), mommy's macaroni and cheese, good food at a good restaurant, flowers, a handwritten note on a scrap of paper, a long kiss.

Whew!! I am tired... but not so tired that I can't come up with 20 questions of my own. So here are some from me to you.... feel free and let me know when you're done...

1. Which was better, your last kiss or your last paycheck?
2. What motivates you?
3. What drains your spirit?
4. What sounds do you love?
5. What sounds do you hate?
6. Which could you do without for one month: your best friend or the love of your life?
7. If you care at all, who are you more mad at: Brad or Angelina?
8. What is the smartest decision you've made in the last five years?
9. What's your primary love language? If you haven't read the book, READ IT, but here are your choices: physical affection, kind words, gifts, quality time, or acts of service.
10. What do you dream about?
11. What makes you shiver?
12. Would you rather be rich and unknown or poor and famous?
13. This one is for the fellas: which do you prefer? A woman who is beautiful and insecure or average and confident?
14. This one is for the ladies: which do you prefer? A man who is packing and misinformed or lacking and creative?
15. Love or success?
16. Peace or passion?
17. Live the rest of your life alone or poor?

Okay, no more... now I'm really tired. Please play :)

This Post Is Brought To You By The Letter "M"... What Else??

Thanks PYT for giving me some me some new crack to smoke.... this "come up with 10 things that start with the letter M" thing is THAT WHITE!! So after my little temper tantrum about your choice of letter for me, here is what I came up with.

1. Music. I love music. The right song can bring to mind the best time of my life. The wrong one (don't you love those on the Russ Parr Morning Show!!) can make me burst into tears in the middle of the interstate. Music gives me the chance to say things that I might not ever get out on my own. So my first thing that starts with "M" is music.

2. Mall. I ADORE the mall. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a problem. Some people drink alone in the middle of the day, some people use ponytail holders to tie off their arm for that next fix, I go to the mall. I love to shop. Shopping makes me happy. There are few feelings in the world like finding that perfect dress that you've been watching for two months on clearance for 60% off. Better than sex. No, scratch that. Better than some sex I've had (but not in the last seven months, so relax baby!).

3. Mommy. If you ever knew me, you know my mommy. She was the BEST mother ever. Not much more to say about that.

4. Mulatto. Please, please, please. People, please pass the word that "mulatto" is not an appropriate way to refer to someone of mixed ethnic heritage. "Biracial" works for me. Some people don't seem to mind "mixed" (I am not one of those people). But MULATTO? That term should have been canned when Gone with the Wind left the penny theaters and massa read the Emancipation Proclamation under Emancipation Oak? One day at work, an old white woman refrred to me as "that mulatto gal." Okay, yeah...... so let's not use that anymore, 'kay pumpkin?

5. Munchkins. I am afraid of them. I'm talking trembling, stuttering, sweating, dizzy afraid. And yes, I know that they aren't supposed to be called munchkins. But whatever.... they are scary little creatures and I am afraid of them.

6. Missionary. I know you didn't think that I meant the people who go to the far reaches of Africa and read the Bible to children with swollen bellies while swatting flies (I know, I know... fast track to hell!). I meant the position. Many people think that the missionary position is boring. But I love it - since I know many of you vould care less about the details, I'll spare you. Suffice it to say that missionary sex can be some of the best sex you've ever had (and yes, better than the mall).

7. Muffin. That's what I call my dog. No, that is not his name, but for some reason I decided one day that he looked like a muffin, so it stuck. No, pit bulls should not ever be called "Muffin" in public. But Stone is my muffin, and if you don't like it, OH WELL!!

8. Mark. My first boyfriend. More importantly, the boy who taught me to believe that men are not to be trusted. Sound a little bitter? Maybe. But that was the lesson, and damn if he wasn't teacher of the year on that one! Oh well... like most high school romances, he probably can't even remember my last name, but I remember him. And I would like to say, "Thanks Mark!" Thank you for showing me that it can only get better with time :)

9. Maybe. What the hell does that mean? "Maybe." Maybe you should be more decisive and pick something a little more definitive. I hate the word "maybe." Maybe because in our house, "maybe" was always code for "HELL NO and stop asking!!" "Maybe" just seems like an excuse to postpone making a decision. Let's band together and ban the word "maybe." Maybe it will catch on.

10. Miss. I've been trying not to think too much about this, but I am going to miss my PYT when I move to New Jersey. More than I ever thought I would. More than he thinks I will. More than either of us ever saw coming. But I am REALLY going to miss him. I'll miss his laughter and his jokes that make mine seem downright corny. I'll miss his apartment and my side of the bed. I'll miss "whatcha doin," "nuttin... playin Playstation, watchin TV." I'll miss the struggle. I'll miss the tongue ring. I'll miss... damn, I'm getting all teary eyed!! I WILL MISS HIM.

Okay, I'm finally done with this thing. It was tough, but I think I did okay. Thanks again for the inspiration :)

The Countdown Begins

 
So the coutdown has begun... fifteen more days until I have to pack up everything I own and move to the big city. I have really been slacking on making the preparations, but I guess I just can'tdo it anymore. But I made out like a bandit on the housing thing. My girlfriend who just got married is renting me her place, and she is leaving everything in it... the furniture, the televisions, the DVD players, the Playstation (I don't even know how to play Playstation!), and.... (drumroll, please).... her TiVo (YEAH!!!!). For the first time since I lived at home with my mommy I can walk into the other room to wash clothes instead of driving across town. I don't have to move any furniture, just clothes and personal junk. God really looked out on this one.....
On an unrelated note, I just got home from an AMAZING vacation with my girlfriends in Hawaii. It was just what the doctor ordered... fun in the sun, no beef, no drama, no work. Just shopping, conversation, television, swimming, and five star food. So for any of you who might be thinking of going to Hawaii soon (especially with a significant other), check out the Halekulani Hotel... it is HIGHLY recommended. The Samoan boys were easy on the eyes, and Chanel, Gucci, and Dior kept the girls in HEAVEN the whole week. ALOHA!!!!! 

When Do People Grow Up?

OK... many of you have heard me complain about the silly anonymous posters on my blog whose comments never see the light of day (you would think they would stop after a while, right?).... well.... while I realize that by giving them this little bit of web time I am only fueling their stupid little fire, I just can't resist. WHEN THE HELL DO PEOPLE GROW UP? When we graduate from high school and register to vote? Clearly not. That just allows us to have an extra form of ID in our wallets. When we graduate from college and enter the wonderful world of working and paying taxes? Nah... that just gives us something extra to complain about. When we go back to school and get ANOTHER college degree to beef up our resumes and improve our earning potential? Definitely not... now we can just insult people using bigger words that earn double digit points in Scrabble. What is wrong with people?????

In my last post, I was lamenting the fact that the University left my name off the magna cum laude list and simultaneously managed to misspell my name. Well my favorite anonymous blogger sent me a message (which I did decide to publish) saying that maybe if I actually had the appropriate GPA, my name might not have been left off of the list. Well, for whoever cares (which apparently this person does!), I did in fact graduate with a magna cum laude GPA - 3.62 to be exact. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have been eligible for the President's Award (which I actually won), and I certainly wouldn't have made such a big deal out of being left off the list. What the hell? Why do you have to hate on someone else just to make yourself feel better? And does it really make you feel better to cast aspersions on someone behind the cloak of anonymity? So now because I am responding to this bullshit, I manage to feel like a whiny, paranoid, "shellfish" brat (another funny insult from my anonymous friend) who feels the need to defend herself on the Internet SIGH..... oh well. Guess even a Pharm.D. doesn't make a person act their age. Dammit! When do people grow up?

Is There A Doctor in the House?

Finally, the answer to that question is "YES!!!!!" I have finally finished, and as of Sunday, May 14, 2006, "Confessions of a Professional Woman" is now written by Me, Pharm.D. It feels pretty strange, to be honest. I have worked so hard for so long, that it doesn't even seem real to me anymore. Plus there's that minor problem of my name on my diploma being misspelled and it being left off of the magna cum laude list. Oh well... I'm done Time to push forward. So thanks to all of you out there who contributed in ANY way to this degree - hope I made you proud :)
And as a side note.... whoever is posting these silly little anonymous messages on my blog, either stop or identify yourself. Trying to hurt me without having the balls to write your name is silly, elementary, and cowardly. And for the record, your comments regarding my family were not only incorrect, but they were extremely hateful. So give it a rest already!!

Friendship

I don't think I have ever known real friendship. Wait, let me see if I can put that a little better. I have friends - good friends - and I don't know how I would have survived my adult life without them. But I honestly don't think that I have ever REALLY known what real friendship means. The kind of friendship that survives the horrible experience of looking yourself in the mirror and seeing WRONG. The kind of friendship that makes you want to choke your friend, but simultaneously realize that you never would have reached such a moment of clarity without them. I spoke to a girlfriend tonight who did those things for me. She pointed out the truth to me... a truth so horrible and hidden that I never would have come to it on my own. I look at mysef every day when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep. I like to think that I know myself better than anyone else ever could But after having known this insightful, honest, concerned woman for a little less than a year, she saw it. The one thing that has given rise to all of the things that have been bothering me for the last I don't know how long. My response to all of that was a stunned silence. At first I was mad. How dare her known something about me that I never realized? Then I was in denial. That can't possibly be right. Now I'm just thankful. Thankful that I have someone in my life who has the ability to see what I need to help me make a change and the nerve to show it to me without fear of jeopardizing our friendship. She doesn't care that I might be mad at her because she knows it isn't personal. She knows my pain because she has felt it too. She doesn't want to hear my excuses and explanations because she recognizes them for what they are: simple tools of incompetence that build monuments of nothingness (sound familiar to some of you?). So God bless Robin. I am not fixed, I only know how to start the process. But without her, I wouldn't even be on the right road.

Blog Neglect

I haven't written anything in so long, and there really isn't any excuse. I guess I just kept waiting to be inspired so that I could write something profound and interesting. But I have come to the realization that I don't always have to be profound and interesting. It's okay to occasionally just say stuff because I feel like it. I have been tossing some things around in my head trying to decide if I am brave enough to put them out here in blogland, but until I get some larger balls.... check out some more stuff about me (another theft from my friend PYT).

10 Favorites
Favorite Color: red
Favorite Food: macaroni and cheese
Favorite Singer: Mariah Carey
Favorite Song: Love Takes Time
Favorite Movie: Love Jones
Favorite Sport: basketball and football (I can't decide)
Favorite Season: autumn (yes, PYT: soon-to-be graduates say "autumn" and not "fall")
Favorite Day Of The Week: Saturday
Favorite Position: I plead the fifth

9 Currents
Current Taste: Turtles and water
Current Clothes: some gray sweatpants and a Nike tshirt
Current Desktop Picture: Vegas skyline at night
Current Location: 508C
Current Time: 12:17 p.m.
Current Crush: I can't say that I have one
Current Thought: I have to find a place to live soon before I am homeless
Current Enemy: failure
Current Procrastination: looking for an apartment

8 Firsts
First Best Friend: Dionne Veronique Long
First Kiss: Mark Allen in 9th grade (I know... I was a little slow on the pickup)
First Screen Name: dstdiva98
First Time: 20th birthday
First Yearbook Caption: Most Likely to Succeed
First Crush: James Hammer in sixth grade
First Music You Remember Hearing: Patti Labelle (my mom LOVED her some Ms. Patti!)
First Car: 2002 Saturn

7 Lasts
Last Cigarette: don't smoke
Last Alcoholic Drink: March 31, 2006
Last Car Ride: this morning on my way home from work
Last Kiss: last Saturday
Last Movie Seen: Monster in Law (on HBO), Inside Man (in the theater)
Last Phone Call: PYT about a whole lot of nothing
Last CD Played: Keyshia Cole

6 Have You Evers
Have You Ever Made Love To One Of Your Male Friends: yes
Have You Ever Been Arrested: no
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: no
Have You Ever Been On TV: yes
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: no
Have You Ever Said You Loved Someone And Not Meant It: no

5 Things
5 Things You've Done Today: took a shower, went to work, left a deposit for my graduation party, checked my email, updated my blog
5 Things You Can Hear Right Now: Keyshia Cole's "Love," my dog snoring, my nails on the keyboard, the rain outside my window, myself humming
5 Things You Do When You're Bored: sleep, eat, read, write in my journal, talk on the phone

4 Places
4 Places You Want To Visit: Italy, Australia, Greece, Africa, Tahiti

3 People
3 People You Can Tell Anything To: BF, Tyffani, God

2 Choices
Black Or White: black
Hot Or Cold: hot

1 Thing
1 Thing You Want To Do Before You Die: make sure that I've done whatever I can to ensure that I'll see my mom again