Question #1: Is it really possible that men don't know when they have a soulmate? You know that one girl that they claim is "just a homegirl," but who YOU know is just one conversation away from being "the one" for him? I was having this conversation last night, and I backed off of it because I didn't want to push the guy STRAIGHT into the arms of the girl so that they could have "the conversation." I guess I just think that if they talk - I mean REALLY talk - then he will go from "I'm not really ready to be in a relationship with ANYBODY right now" to "I am so glad that we finally talked, and I can't wait to be with you." SIGH... what will be will be, I guess.
Question #2: Does anyone ever REALLY have secrets? I mean things about them that NOBODY knows... I think it's possible to have things about yourself that nobody KNOWS to be true, but is there anything about you that people don't even SUSPECT? I'm being cryptic, I know, but it's because I'm not sure whether to out myself (and someone else) or if it really doesn't matter because people already know. Oh well... "he" said that I could write about something that happened this weekend, and I am absolutely DYING to do it, but I'm nervous. I don't want to put him out there because then EVERYBODY will know what I already know, and his stock will SKYROCKET (is that selfish?). But I also don't want to write about it because then people will know more about me than I think I'm ready for them to know. Of course I could just be naive... anybody who pays ANY kind of attention has probably already figured this out. But if I validate it by putting it in print, I could be giving one person in particular a better glimpse at me and this guy than I am ready for her to have. Okay, I'm babbling. I'ma sit with this a bit longer and then see how I feel about airing it (and him) out. But if you're REALLY interested......
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Monday, October 30, 2006
Homecoming
"H-O-M-E-C... O-M-I-N-G! It's, Homecoming yall! It's Homecoming, yall!" Well, that's the attitude I approached the weekend with. Now, however, all I have to say is BOO HISSSSSS!!!!!
I went down to Hampton Thursday morning so I would have more time to relax and to catch up with my friends before they got caught up in all of the Homecoming hullabaloo (yes, I know.... I said hullabaloo). I stopped in to see one of my favorite bloggers for a second, and then I got suckered into going to the stepshow (problem #1). I should have known that no Deltas + no AKAa = disaster. When I finally got there at 9:30 (it started at 8:00), only one group had performed. Ogden was packed and people were trying to sneak into the side doors and windows (WHAT?). When I got there, the Iotas were stepping (KILLIN IT, I might add) which in itself was a mimor miracle. Then they started having audiovisual difficulties, so the DJ started playing gospel music. Yes, GOSPEL music at a stepshow! Now I love the Lord just as much as the next person, but something about "We Lift Our Hands in the Sanctuary" right after I saw an Iota simulating oral sex rubbed me the wrong way. Anyway, I left at 11:30, and the damn thing still wasn't over.
Friday morning I got up early and went to get my hair done. Oh yes.... boy, was THAT a debacle. I told my stylist that I wanted "something different." So everything that happened after that was entirely my fault. THIS is what happened after that (that's me in the middle, just in case you don't recognize the BALD HEADED BITCH!!!!!).
Yeah. Nothing more to say about that. I decided that I was too old to go to the Soiree, even though in hindsight, that probably would've been a good look. Because instead, I joined some friends and went to the T.I. concert. DOUBLE SIGH. Concert was supposed to start at 6:00 because T.I. had another show in Philly later that night. We got there at 6:15, and the DJ was still playing music. Cool. Three hours later, the Youngbloodz came out. I couldn't understand a word they were saying because their speakers were too loud, and that little nigga Sean Paul was eating his microphone. Not to mention the fact that I'm TWENTY NINE YEARS OLD. I don't know no damn Youngbloodz songs!! At one point, security came over and told us that they suggested we leave because T.I. wasn't coming, and they didn't want us to be there when the students started fighting. However, they encouraged us to leave one at a time so no one would notice that something was wrong. Uh, okay. But at 10:00, T.I.'s little ass finally came out. WOW is he little.
He sang the first verse of all of his hits, and then he left the stage. Not to change his clothes, but to go the fuck home. What time was it? 10:30. Yep, that's right. We waited four hours for a 30 minute concert. Wow. And this is all I have to show for it.
I woke up Saturday morning to a typhoon, so I decided that the game was a wash. But then, miraculously, the sun came out and it turned into a BEAUTIFUL day. My linesister and I drove over to campus and proceeded to try to scam our way into the game (whatever... $25 is RIDICULOUS for a sporting event). And then, things started going right. I looked up, and amid ALL those people, I saw my grandmother... YEAH!!! Tyffani and I fell in behind her, and presto chango! We had seats on the 50-yard line. FABULOUS. And along the way, I discovered something very important: my grandmother is an A-list celebrity! I'm talking about people waving at her from the stands (students, no less!), and random women breaking into the Delta circle after the game to take her picture (WTF??). Too funny. After the game, we went home to take a nap before this party at the Convocation Center. We were supposed to meet some girlfriends at 11 so that we could all go together. Okay, so why did we wake up THE NEXT MORNING?????? GREAT. And after hearing about the Paperazzi Party that wasn't (read all about it here), we heard that the Convocation Center party was the JUMP OFF. DAMMIT!!!!!!!!
So, Jameil, wish I could say more. But Homecoming was what it was. I guess I need to realize that I need to join Jarrod and start keepin it real alumni. Cause that's who I am now. SIGH.
I went down to Hampton Thursday morning so I would have more time to relax and to catch up with my friends before they got caught up in all of the Homecoming hullabaloo (yes, I know.... I said hullabaloo). I stopped in to see one of my favorite bloggers for a second, and then I got suckered into going to the stepshow (problem #1). I should have known that no Deltas + no AKAa = disaster. When I finally got there at 9:30 (it started at 8:00), only one group had performed. Ogden was packed and people were trying to sneak into the side doors and windows (WHAT?). When I got there, the Iotas were stepping (KILLIN IT, I might add) which in itself was a mimor miracle. Then they started having audiovisual difficulties, so the DJ started playing gospel music. Yes, GOSPEL music at a stepshow! Now I love the Lord just as much as the next person, but something about "We Lift Our Hands in the Sanctuary" right after I saw an Iota simulating oral sex rubbed me the wrong way. Anyway, I left at 11:30, and the damn thing still wasn't over.
Friday morning I got up early and went to get my hair done. Oh yes.... boy, was THAT a debacle. I told my stylist that I wanted "something different." So everything that happened after that was entirely my fault. THIS is what happened after that (that's me in the middle, just in case you don't recognize the BALD HEADED BITCH!!!!!).
Yeah. Nothing more to say about that. I decided that I was too old to go to the Soiree, even though in hindsight, that probably would've been a good look. Because instead, I joined some friends and went to the T.I. concert. DOUBLE SIGH. Concert was supposed to start at 6:00 because T.I. had another show in Philly later that night. We got there at 6:15, and the DJ was still playing music. Cool. Three hours later, the Youngbloodz came out. I couldn't understand a word they were saying because their speakers were too loud, and that little nigga Sean Paul was eating his microphone. Not to mention the fact that I'm TWENTY NINE YEARS OLD. I don't know no damn Youngbloodz songs!! At one point, security came over and told us that they suggested we leave because T.I. wasn't coming, and they didn't want us to be there when the students started fighting. However, they encouraged us to leave one at a time so no one would notice that something was wrong. Uh, okay. But at 10:00, T.I.'s little ass finally came out. WOW is he little.
He sang the first verse of all of his hits, and then he left the stage. Not to change his clothes, but to go the fuck home. What time was it? 10:30. Yep, that's right. We waited four hours for a 30 minute concert. Wow. And this is all I have to show for it.
I woke up Saturday morning to a typhoon, so I decided that the game was a wash. But then, miraculously, the sun came out and it turned into a BEAUTIFUL day. My linesister and I drove over to campus and proceeded to try to scam our way into the game (whatever... $25 is RIDICULOUS for a sporting event). And then, things started going right. I looked up, and amid ALL those people, I saw my grandmother... YEAH!!! Tyffani and I fell in behind her, and presto chango! We had seats on the 50-yard line. FABULOUS. And along the way, I discovered something very important: my grandmother is an A-list celebrity! I'm talking about people waving at her from the stands (students, no less!), and random women breaking into the Delta circle after the game to take her picture (WTF??). Too funny. After the game, we went home to take a nap before this party at the Convocation Center. We were supposed to meet some girlfriends at 11 so that we could all go together. Okay, so why did we wake up THE NEXT MORNING?????? GREAT. And after hearing about the Paperazzi Party that wasn't (read all about it here), we heard that the Convocation Center party was the JUMP OFF. DAMMIT!!!!!!!!
So, Jameil, wish I could say more. But Homecoming was what it was. I guess I need to realize that I need to join Jarrod and start keepin it real alumni. Cause that's who I am now. SIGH.
I love, love, LOVE These Things!!!
This one's for Stacie.... thanks for the tag :)
Three Names You Go By: Mo, Moni, Moni-cue
Three Parts of Your Heritage: White, Black, I think that's all!
Three Things That Scare You: dying painfully, never finding the love of my life, never seeing my mom again
Three of Your Everyday Essentials: my cell phone, my lip glass, my Metro card
Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now: gray sweatpants, black tank, pinl house shoes
Three of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists: Robin Thicke, Beyonce, John Legend
Your Favorite Songs: Dangerously in Love (Beyonce), Love Makes Things Happen (Pebbles and Babyface), and Love Takes Time (Mariah Carey)
Three Things You Want in a Relationship: Honesty, fun, love
Three Physical Things about the Opposite Sex: smile, height, smell
Three of Your Favorite Hobbies: reading, writing, music
Three Things You Want Really Badly Right Now: a new car, to cuddle, some new clothes
Three People You Would Like to See Do This: Jarrod, Shani, Jameil
Three Non-Physical Things About the Opposite Sex: sense of humor, ambition, warm spirit
Three Favorite T.V. Shows: Will & Grace, Lost, The L Word
Three Songs that you have listened to while completing this meme: The theme song to Desparate Housewives, the theme song to Flavor of Love (is that a song?), and Irreplaceable (playing in my head right now)
Three Names You Go By: Mo, Moni, Moni-cue
Three Parts of Your Heritage: White, Black, I think that's all!
Three Things That Scare You: dying painfully, never finding the love of my life, never seeing my mom again
Three of Your Everyday Essentials: my cell phone, my lip glass, my Metro card
Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now: gray sweatpants, black tank, pinl house shoes
Three of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists: Robin Thicke, Beyonce, John Legend
Your Favorite Songs: Dangerously in Love (Beyonce), Love Makes Things Happen (Pebbles and Babyface), and Love Takes Time (Mariah Carey)
Three Things You Want in a Relationship: Honesty, fun, love
Three Physical Things about the Opposite Sex: smile, height, smell
Three of Your Favorite Hobbies: reading, writing, music
Three Things You Want Really Badly Right Now: a new car, to cuddle, some new clothes
Three People You Would Like to See Do This: Jarrod, Shani, Jameil
Three Non-Physical Things About the Opposite Sex: sense of humor, ambition, warm spirit
Three Favorite T.V. Shows: Will & Grace, Lost, The L Word
Three Songs that you have listened to while completing this meme: The theme song to Desparate Housewives, the theme song to Flavor of Love (is that a song?), and Irreplaceable (playing in my head right now)
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Bitch, You Are a Mother F&%# Lie!!
OH MY GOD!!! Why do people feel the need to lie about EVERYTHING? There is a girl who graduated with me who took the board exam and scored a 145 (why do I know this, you ask? Because a good friend works for NABP and has access to the score reports). Okay, so a 145 is a BOMB ASS score - the maximum is 150. So why is she going around telling people that she got a perfect score? As in a 150 out of 150? And why are people believing that foolishness? Is it not enough that you graduated #1 in our class and got five points away from perfect? You had to lie and say that you ACED the test? That, BY FAR, is the most ignorant thing I have ever heard in my life. And people say I am a liar... whew!! Chile, that takes the cake! But for my Anoymous boo (and I just KNOW that you are eating this one up!), I am really curious to hear what you have to say about this.... I know she's your girl :) Holla.......
I'm Stealing From New People Now!
Yall know how it goes when I have nothing interesting to write about it, but still feel the need to blog anyway. So here are two memes I stole from It Was Written.
The Two Words Tag (All answers must be in two words)
1. Explain what ended your last relationship? Love fear
2. When was the last time you shaved? Three days
3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.? Taking shower
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? Resignation letter
5. Are you any good at math? Definitely good
6. Your prom night? Embarrasingly sad
7. Do you have any famous ancestors? Not Sure
8. Have you had to take a loan out for school? Hell yeah
9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile? Profile Deleted
10. Last thing received in the mail? Some bills
11. How many different beverages have you had today? Just Coke
12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines? Most times
13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? MC Hammer
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? Uh no
15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had? Deep scaling
16. What is out your back door? Balcony, grill
17. Any plans for Friday night? T.I. concert
18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair? I'm Black
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns? No never
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium? In school
21. Do you re-use towels after you shower? Uhh, yeah
22. Some things you are excited about? New job
23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO? Lemon lime
24. Describe your keychain(s): M, elephant
25. Where do you keep your change? closet shelf
26. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people? work presentation
27. What kind of winter coat do you own? which one
28. What was the weather like on your graduation day? Very hot
29. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? It's open
The Incredibly Weird "What If" Question Meme
1. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be? Ooh, let me see. Britney Spears. She is SO over.
2. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice? Boris Kodjoe
3. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick? Do the same "no strings attached" rules apply? Cuz if so, james Todd Smith. Lord, he is beautiful.
4. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it? I would buy this green wool coat I saw a lady with this morning on the subway. It was SOOOO fierce!
5. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? San Diego, California
6. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do? Catch a cab
7. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour? Call everyone I love and tell them why I love them. Then, if my 30 minutes isn't up yet, I would comb my hair so my mommy won't say, "Girl, what have you been doing with yourself?" when I see her :)
8. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be? Hmmm... a super power? Wow, I don't know. I would probably choose the power to be in two places at the same time.
9. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? The last thirty minutes of my mother's life... I have some things I want to tell her.
10. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there? Another "hmm...." I would like to say something deep and profound like I would go back and alter the course of slavery or racism in the South, but really, I just want to go back to just before my ex decided that he wanted to break up with me.
11. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? September 18, 2003
12. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now? St. Tropez
13. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life? Celebrity? Let me see.... maybe Luther Vandross. I need another love song.
14. What’s your theme song? Oh, I have so many. But something that really captures me... it would be an old one. "Ain't No Half Steppin'" by Big Daddy Kane and
The Two Words Tag (All answers must be in two words)
1. Explain what ended your last relationship? Love fear
2. When was the last time you shaved? Three days
3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.? Taking shower
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? Resignation letter
5. Are you any good at math? Definitely good
6. Your prom night? Embarrasingly sad
7. Do you have any famous ancestors? Not Sure
8. Have you had to take a loan out for school? Hell yeah
9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile? Profile Deleted
10. Last thing received in the mail? Some bills
11. How many different beverages have you had today? Just Coke
12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines? Most times
13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? MC Hammer
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? Uh no
15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had? Deep scaling
16. What is out your back door? Balcony, grill
17. Any plans for Friday night? T.I. concert
18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair? I'm Black
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns? No never
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium? In school
21. Do you re-use towels after you shower? Uhh, yeah
22. Some things you are excited about? New job
23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO? Lemon lime
24. Describe your keychain(s): M, elephant
25. Where do you keep your change? closet shelf
26. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people? work presentation
27. What kind of winter coat do you own? which one
28. What was the weather like on your graduation day? Very hot
29. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? It's open
The Incredibly Weird "What If" Question Meme
1. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be? Ooh, let me see. Britney Spears. She is SO over.
2. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice? Boris Kodjoe
3. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick? Do the same "no strings attached" rules apply? Cuz if so, james Todd Smith. Lord, he is beautiful.
4. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it? I would buy this green wool coat I saw a lady with this morning on the subway. It was SOOOO fierce!
5. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? San Diego, California
6. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do? Catch a cab
7. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour? Call everyone I love and tell them why I love them. Then, if my 30 minutes isn't up yet, I would comb my hair so my mommy won't say, "Girl, what have you been doing with yourself?" when I see her :)
8. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be? Hmmm... a super power? Wow, I don't know. I would probably choose the power to be in two places at the same time.
9. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? The last thirty minutes of my mother's life... I have some things I want to tell her.
10. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there? Another "hmm...." I would like to say something deep and profound like I would go back and alter the course of slavery or racism in the South, but really, I just want to go back to just before my ex decided that he wanted to break up with me.
11. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? September 18, 2003
12. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now? St. Tropez
13. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life? Celebrity? Let me see.... maybe Luther Vandross. I need another love song.
14. What’s your theme song? Oh, I have so many. But something that really captures me... it would be an old one. "Ain't No Half Steppin'" by Big Daddy Kane and
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Selfish (As Usual)
Real quick... is it selfish to ask yall to switch to the new beta blogger? You won't have to make any changes to your existing blog - apparently it's just newer and stuff (can't yall tell I'm REALLY tehnologically advanced?). But it won't let me post comments on anyone's wall who doesn't have blogger beta also :( I neeeeeedddd to leave my comments!! Pretty please.....
Monday, October 23, 2006
Sir, PLEASE! I'm Not Gonna Ask You Again. Give Me My 40 Acres and a Mule!!!!
That was my saying of the night... you know the one - every time you go out and have a few drinks, there's always one thing that you say that gets cemented in everyones' minds because it's just so damn funny? Well, that was mine. "Sir, PLEASE! I'm not gonna ask you again.... give me my 40 acres and a mule!!" (actually it sounded more like "40 goddam acres and a motha fuckin' mule," but hey - I was pleasantly intoxicated!).
Friday night I went out to dinner with some friends at this place called The Den in Harlem. I checked out the menu online before I went (being the foodie that I am!), and I had several of the drinks earmarked in my mind for future consumption. The "Foxy Brown," the "Gold Digga," "The Jungle Fever," and as you can see, my favorite, "The 40 Acres and a Mule." When we get there, I look at the drink menu and immediately notice that my first choice isn't printed there. After much cajoling with the waiter and the bartender, the second "he" remembered how to make the drink and the first "he" brought it to my table. The 40 acres: Stoli Orange, Watermelon Pucker, and Apple Snapps. The mule: a chaser shot of Coffee Patron. Whoo chile... now THAT is my kind of drink. I had one before the food came, then my meal came with a glass of red wine, then I had another... so that brought me to a grand total of 80 acres and two mules (sorry, Helen... I had to say it just one more time!). Then (as if that weren't enough), I had a Jungle Fever (layered shots of Kahlua and Bushmill's Irish Cream)...
Now, don't get me wrong, I really am not a lush. But there were these two guys who insisted on sitting down next to us and carrying on a completely ridiculous conversation about a whole lot of nothing. They were correctional officers at Sing Sing (is that the new pickup line - was I supposed to be impressed?), but they had the combined conversational ability of a brass monkey (my mom used to say that - I used to giggle every time!). As soon as they leaned over and started talking (completely uninvited, I might add), I started in on the waiter to "keep 'em comin!" I can't even begin to tell you guys how hard it was not to just crack up laughing right in these guys' faces, but they just wouldn't get the hint: we kept trying to have a conversation that included only the three of us, but they always found a way in. Finally, the big one (yes, there was a big one and a little one!) said, "So what do yall single ladies do for a livin?" (who said we were single? But anyway...) I was kinda hoping that this would do the trick, so I looked expectantly at Marsha who smiled ever so sweetly and said, "I'm a physician." The little one choked on his Heineken. Then Shevonne said, "I'm a marketing analyst at ING." The big one's eyes got big, but to his credit, he swallowed his beer. Then I round 'em out with, "And I'm a pharmacist." At that point, I got a little taste of why men can spot a gold digga a mile away... these dumb asses then proceeded to ask us each how much money we make and how come we're not married. SIGH..... that was when I had to yell at the waiter. I had asked him two times to bring me another drink, and he just wasn't moving fast enough to numb the pain that these losers were inflicting. "Sir, PLEASE!! I'm not gonna ask you again. Give me my 40 Acres and a Mule!! Don't you think it's about 200 years overdue?" The entire restaurant got SILENT, Marsha and Shevonne were giggling their asses off, and the waiter turned this lovely shade of plum. When he finally brought it over, I apologized profusely and left a very generous tip, but I'm sure he rushed home to tell all of his friends about the angry Black women in The Den that were demanding their 40 acres. Man, Brother Jesse would be so proud :)
Friday night I went out to dinner with some friends at this place called The Den in Harlem. I checked out the menu online before I went (being the foodie that I am!), and I had several of the drinks earmarked in my mind for future consumption. The "Foxy Brown," the "Gold Digga," "The Jungle Fever," and as you can see, my favorite, "The 40 Acres and a Mule." When we get there, I look at the drink menu and immediately notice that my first choice isn't printed there. After much cajoling with the waiter and the bartender, the second "he" remembered how to make the drink and the first "he" brought it to my table. The 40 acres: Stoli Orange, Watermelon Pucker, and Apple Snapps. The mule: a chaser shot of Coffee Patron. Whoo chile... now THAT is my kind of drink. I had one before the food came, then my meal came with a glass of red wine, then I had another... so that brought me to a grand total of 80 acres and two mules (sorry, Helen... I had to say it just one more time!). Then (as if that weren't enough), I had a Jungle Fever (layered shots of Kahlua and Bushmill's Irish Cream)...
Now, don't get me wrong, I really am not a lush. But there were these two guys who insisted on sitting down next to us and carrying on a completely ridiculous conversation about a whole lot of nothing. They were correctional officers at Sing Sing (is that the new pickup line - was I supposed to be impressed?), but they had the combined conversational ability of a brass monkey (my mom used to say that - I used to giggle every time!). As soon as they leaned over and started talking (completely uninvited, I might add), I started in on the waiter to "keep 'em comin!" I can't even begin to tell you guys how hard it was not to just crack up laughing right in these guys' faces, but they just wouldn't get the hint: we kept trying to have a conversation that included only the three of us, but they always found a way in. Finally, the big one (yes, there was a big one and a little one!) said, "So what do yall single ladies do for a livin?" (who said we were single? But anyway...) I was kinda hoping that this would do the trick, so I looked expectantly at Marsha who smiled ever so sweetly and said, "I'm a physician." The little one choked on his Heineken. Then Shevonne said, "I'm a marketing analyst at ING." The big one's eyes got big, but to his credit, he swallowed his beer. Then I round 'em out with, "And I'm a pharmacist." At that point, I got a little taste of why men can spot a gold digga a mile away... these dumb asses then proceeded to ask us each how much money we make and how come we're not married. SIGH..... that was when I had to yell at the waiter. I had asked him two times to bring me another drink, and he just wasn't moving fast enough to numb the pain that these losers were inflicting. "Sir, PLEASE!! I'm not gonna ask you again. Give me my 40 Acres and a Mule!! Don't you think it's about 200 years overdue?" The entire restaurant got SILENT, Marsha and Shevonne were giggling their asses off, and the waiter turned this lovely shade of plum. When he finally brought it over, I apologized profusely and left a very generous tip, but I'm sure he rushed home to tell all of his friends about the angry Black women in The Den that were demanding their 40 acres. Man, Brother Jesse would be so proud :)
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Lawdy, Lawdy... Lawd Have Mercy!!!
Okay, so I was coming home from dropping off some urine for a drug test at the request of my new job - yall know the one that I was forced to take when I got fired from my residency **wink wink**. I decided to stop at the grocery store to get some popcorn to eat while watching my Thursday night television. I was in a part of town that I normally don't go through, so I wasn't that familiar with the area. All of a sudden, I saw a supermarket on the left side of the street. As I was pulling over into the parkng lot, my first clue that I was in for a treat was when I saw the sign reading "Martin Luther King Boulevard." Lawd have mercy!!!!! Once my car was parked in its designated parking space amidst the broken shopping carts and random condom wrappers (HONEST!), I noticed the name of the store: "Extra Gricery Store." Lawd have mercy!!!! When I got out of the car, I felt like I had just walked onto the set of The Wire minus that unbelievably deelishis (shout out to my man FLA-VOR FLAVVVVVVV!!!!) Idris Elba (anybody know where I can find him?). I mean really... this was the grocery store from every stereotype in every comedy sketch done by every Black comedian in America! There were hardly any brand named products in the whole store - all I was looking for was some Orville Reddenbacher (sp?), but the only thing on the shelf was the store brand. Then I looked for some soda - no Coke, no Pepsi, no Nehi, no Fanta... just store brand. WTF?????? I had to walk out because the whole thing was just so ridiculous. So no popcorn for me. But plenty of jokes.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
For Those Who Know Not and Know Not They Know Not
I always loved that phrase... it was slightly confusing, but when you break it down, it makes sense. So this post is for all those people out there who know not, but have no clue that they DON'T KNOW A DAMN THING!!!!!
Issue #1: My anonymous blog reader has reared her ugly head again **hey!!** In case you are the one who knows not, let me tell you: the 90 day rule only applies if you have taken the test and failed it. If you have never taken it (which I have not), then you take it whenever you want. Cool on that? Cool.
Issue #2: I was listening to 98.7 this past Sunday and Olivia McClurkin (Donnie's sister, I believe) was giving her testimony on the morning show about how she had survived stage IV cancer in six or seven locations in her body. She spoke about how every doctor told her that she had no hope and that there was nothing they could do. She spoke about the healing power of God and how He was telling her to stand through her adversity and that He would see her through. Then another woman called with her testimony. She used to be a police officer, but had to quit her job when she was diagnosed with stage IV cancer of the stomach lining, ovaries, uterua, Fallopian tubes, liver, and bone. She survived as well, and now there is no trace of cancer in her body. She said that God told her that while He wasn't "giving" her this disease, he was allowing her to live through it in order that others might learn from her struggle. He had faith in her ability to be strong and survive to tell of His wonders when she came out on the other side. So while I am listening to all of this, I am starting to tear up. It is alawys so powerful to hear stories of how people survive trmendous adversity with a positive attitude and no anger in their hearts. But what really made me cry when I stopped to think about it was this: what was so special about these people? Why did my mother - who was the best person I have ever (and might ever) known in my life - have to suffer and eventually lose her life to the very illness that these two women (and many others) survived? She had stage IV cancer also. The doctors told her that there was really nothing they could do. She struggled through chemo- and radiation therapies, she took all of the pain medications, she did everything she could. But she died. And that makes me angry. I know I'm not supposed to question God, but I just really don't understand. A third caller summed up everything I was feeling when she said that her had lost her mother to cancer and she could never understnd why God took her mother and spared so many others. She was asking Ms. McClurkin what she could say to those people out there who have sacrificed their loved ones to disease and illness. How do they (we) get past the pain and the anger when others are allowed to experience such joy? I really wanted to publish this post Sunday afternoon, but I was caught up with something else (which will be issue #3), so I'm just now getting around to it. But it just made me so sad.... my mother was such a phenomenal women. She never intentionally harmed anyone and would give her last breath to someone in need. Why didn't God choose her to tell His story? I'm struggling with that....
Issue #3: For those of you who read this blog on any type of consistent basis, you know that I am not entirely happy at my job. I haven't said much about it lately, but it really has become quite an ordeal. I was thinking about quitting for several months, but I didn't want to make such a huge decision while I was angry or disillusioned. Every few days I would make a list about the pros and cons of staying vs. leaving. But most of all, I was spending that time trying to convince myself that I am not a failure. I chose to do this residency, I chose to live this life. So I felt like a bit of a quitter for considering the option of bailing on something that I CHOSE. But some advice from a very good friend put it all into perspective: "It's not quitting if it is what is best for you. It's not quitting if you've given it your all and can't see a difference. You don't want to leave because it's too hard or because you aren't up to the job. You want to leave because it's not what you signed up for. The program you wanted is not the program you got." And I realized that he was right. I don't dislike this program because they are asking for something from me that I am unable to give them. I am the best resident they have - I think so, and according to my managers, they think so too. But I didn't come all this way to sit beind a desk and shuffle papers. I don't want to be a manager. I want to be a pharmacist. So after months of thinking and praying, I have come to a decision. I am leaving my residency program. I spent all day Sunday looking for new job opportunities. Monday morning, I got a voicemail message from a recruiter wanting to set up an interview. Yesterday morning I went to the interview. Yesterday afternoon I got the job. Double my salary and half my hours. Less stress and more satisfaction. Less commute and more time to enjoy my new surroundings. I have never felt more free. At first I was worried about what other people would think. I can just imagine how much money Verizon Wireless is raking in as we speak as the haters (both known and anonymous) light up the airwaves with, "Did you hear that Monique got fired from her residency? Girl... she had a nervous breakdown and had to quit. Did you hear? Monique is such a loser!!" Well, if leaving a job that I hate for a job that I like means I'm a loser, then I'm good on that. If handing in my letter of resignation means that I got fired, then that's cool too. 'Cause I'M FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And life has never been so sweet :)
Issue #1: My anonymous blog reader has reared her ugly head again **hey!!** In case you are the one who knows not, let me tell you: the 90 day rule only applies if you have taken the test and failed it. If you have never taken it (which I have not), then you take it whenever you want. Cool on that? Cool.
Issue #2: I was listening to 98.7 this past Sunday and Olivia McClurkin (Donnie's sister, I believe) was giving her testimony on the morning show about how she had survived stage IV cancer in six or seven locations in her body. She spoke about how every doctor told her that she had no hope and that there was nothing they could do. She spoke about the healing power of God and how He was telling her to stand through her adversity and that He would see her through. Then another woman called with her testimony. She used to be a police officer, but had to quit her job when she was diagnosed with stage IV cancer of the stomach lining, ovaries, uterua, Fallopian tubes, liver, and bone. She survived as well, and now there is no trace of cancer in her body. She said that God told her that while He wasn't "giving" her this disease, he was allowing her to live through it in order that others might learn from her struggle. He had faith in her ability to be strong and survive to tell of His wonders when she came out on the other side. So while I am listening to all of this, I am starting to tear up. It is alawys so powerful to hear stories of how people survive trmendous adversity with a positive attitude and no anger in their hearts. But what really made me cry when I stopped to think about it was this: what was so special about these people? Why did my mother - who was the best person I have ever (and might ever) known in my life - have to suffer and eventually lose her life to the very illness that these two women (and many others) survived? She had stage IV cancer also. The doctors told her that there was really nothing they could do. She struggled through chemo- and radiation therapies, she took all of the pain medications, she did everything she could. But she died. And that makes me angry. I know I'm not supposed to question God, but I just really don't understand. A third caller summed up everything I was feeling when she said that her had lost her mother to cancer and she could never understnd why God took her mother and spared so many others. She was asking Ms. McClurkin what she could say to those people out there who have sacrificed their loved ones to disease and illness. How do they (we) get past the pain and the anger when others are allowed to experience such joy? I really wanted to publish this post Sunday afternoon, but I was caught up with something else (which will be issue #3), so I'm just now getting around to it. But it just made me so sad.... my mother was such a phenomenal women. She never intentionally harmed anyone and would give her last breath to someone in need. Why didn't God choose her to tell His story? I'm struggling with that....
Issue #3: For those of you who read this blog on any type of consistent basis, you know that I am not entirely happy at my job. I haven't said much about it lately, but it really has become quite an ordeal. I was thinking about quitting for several months, but I didn't want to make such a huge decision while I was angry or disillusioned. Every few days I would make a list about the pros and cons of staying vs. leaving. But most of all, I was spending that time trying to convince myself that I am not a failure. I chose to do this residency, I chose to live this life. So I felt like a bit of a quitter for considering the option of bailing on something that I CHOSE. But some advice from a very good friend put it all into perspective: "It's not quitting if it is what is best for you. It's not quitting if you've given it your all and can't see a difference. You don't want to leave because it's too hard or because you aren't up to the job. You want to leave because it's not what you signed up for. The program you wanted is not the program you got." And I realized that he was right. I don't dislike this program because they are asking for something from me that I am unable to give them. I am the best resident they have - I think so, and according to my managers, they think so too. But I didn't come all this way to sit beind a desk and shuffle papers. I don't want to be a manager. I want to be a pharmacist. So after months of thinking and praying, I have come to a decision. I am leaving my residency program. I spent all day Sunday looking for new job opportunities. Monday morning, I got a voicemail message from a recruiter wanting to set up an interview. Yesterday morning I went to the interview. Yesterday afternoon I got the job. Double my salary and half my hours. Less stress and more satisfaction. Less commute and more time to enjoy my new surroundings. I have never felt more free. At first I was worried about what other people would think. I can just imagine how much money Verizon Wireless is raking in as we speak as the haters (both known and anonymous) light up the airwaves with, "Did you hear that Monique got fired from her residency? Girl... she had a nervous breakdown and had to quit. Did you hear? Monique is such a loser!!" Well, if leaving a job that I hate for a job that I like means I'm a loser, then I'm good on that. If handing in my letter of resignation means that I got fired, then that's cool too. 'Cause I'M FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And life has never been so sweet :)
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
My Truth or Dare
Here are the tasks I have been given by the beautiful Ms. Trish on her blog...
TRUTH: What celebrity are you infatuated with?
Now yall who read my blog already know the answer to this one, so I'll avoid the obious and pick my second favorite infatuation: Jay Z. Seems like a logical jump, but I really do love him and have for a long time.
DARE: Post a picture of you from high school ;)
Oh Lord, do I even have a picture of me from high school? Let me see...
Ahh yes, here we are... please keep the snickering to a minimum. I really do think that I have come a long way baby....
TRUTH: What celebrity are you infatuated with?
Now yall who read my blog already know the answer to this one, so I'll avoid the obious and pick my second favorite infatuation: Jay Z. Seems like a logical jump, but I really do love him and have for a long time.
DARE: Post a picture of you from high school ;)
Oh Lord, do I even have a picture of me from high school? Let me see...
Ahh yes, here we are... please keep the snickering to a minimum. I really do think that I have come a long way baby....
Brief Check-In (Again)
Thanks to all the people who felt my last post... I threw a bit of a tantrum and walked away, but I'm back now.
Actually, I just wanted to solicit some prayers from you guys. I have to have an outpatient procedure performed tomorrow and I know from working at a hospital that occasionally things can go wrong. So - lift me up when you get a chance. I'll be back with something substantial soon. Hugs....
Actually, I just wanted to solicit some prayers from you guys. I have to have an outpatient procedure performed tomorrow and I know from working at a hospital that occasionally things can go wrong. So - lift me up when you get a chance. I'll be back with something substantial soon. Hugs....
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Come One, Come All
Step right up, ladies and gentleman! Only one dollar for a quick glimpse of the world's most stupid woman!! Check it out, it's amazing!!!
Okay, so yeah - that woman is me. Can you believe that last night (or early this morning, rather), I heard those infamous words: "It's not you, it's me. I have heard several people say that, so it must be me. There's nothing wrong with you at all." YAWN.... BULLSHIT. It isn't enough to say that the problem is you if you are never going to do anything to change yourself... damn, I feel some deja vu... didn't I write about this before... like seventeen million times? Backtrack. This morning my friend was telling me about his night out, and he got to this part where he met this attractive woman who "seemed sensible" (she didn't split verbs, he said), and so they exchanged numbers and agreed to meet for lunch today. Why don't men understand that it is NEVER okay to talk about a new woman with a woman that you used to have sleep with - even if you never considered that woman to be anything more than "just a friend." "So what?" you ask. I'll tell you what... that's how he and I got to be friends. I recognize the game being layed down. And now almost a year later, I realize that that's all it was. Game. Plain and simple. I fell for some game. For a split second (okay, for almost a year) I allowed myself to believe that this person actually liked me and that our friendship was mixed up in something a little more interesting and a lot more important. Yeah, right. So after thinking about that for a little while, I realized something - it's time to pull up my stakes and roll into the next town (figured I'd keep up the carnival references for all yall Southerners). I am so over being the part-time friend. The good time girl. The "I am so bored, so let's hang out" friend. Am I mad at him? No, I created this scenario. I allowed myself to be placed into that box, and more importantly, I have made no moves to get out of it. But enough is enough. I have friends. Not very many and not in a lot of places, but I have friends. Friends who care about my feelings and who actually realize when they've hurt them. Friends who want me to be happy and who work hard at making that a reality. I don't need any more "best friends in my head" (Wendy Williams-ism). I am 29 years old and I am tired of this bullshit. No more of this we argue today and then don't speak for a few days hoping that it will blow over and you won't have to discuss it anymore. No more of this I call you when I don't have anything better to do with my day. And definitely no more of this beautiful, intelligent woman who cares more about you than you do about her. Do I sound like I am trying to convince myself? I am. But I'm tired of crying over a man who doesn't give a damn about me. And I realied that while I was trying to deny it and doing everything I cold to avoid it, I kinda loved him. Not "I am so in love with you, let's get married and someday" kind of love, but I really do think that I loved him. Friends? Right. The only tears I have ever cried over my true friends are the ones that we've cried together. This man doesn't need me, and he realizes that. So why I am so late on the pick up? He has moved up to the 2007 model, and even though all the signs were there, I never saw it coming. So maybe over lunch, the two of you can talk about all kinds of things without the trouble of interpreting split verbs. Maybe she'll find you attractive and funny and the two of you will talk for hours in her car after the meal is over. And maybe, just maybe, if you're lucky she'll be so taken with you that she'll ignore the voice of her conscience that is screaming, "Are you crazy?" and she'll have sex with you in a few days. At any rate, enjoy your new life, old friend. I can't be your good time girl anymore.
Okay, so yeah - that woman is me. Can you believe that last night (or early this morning, rather), I heard those infamous words: "It's not you, it's me. I have heard several people say that, so it must be me. There's nothing wrong with you at all." YAWN.... BULLSHIT. It isn't enough to say that the problem is you if you are never going to do anything to change yourself... damn, I feel some deja vu... didn't I write about this before... like seventeen million times? Backtrack. This morning my friend was telling me about his night out, and he got to this part where he met this attractive woman who "seemed sensible" (she didn't split verbs, he said), and so they exchanged numbers and agreed to meet for lunch today. Why don't men understand that it is NEVER okay to talk about a new woman with a woman that you used to have sleep with - even if you never considered that woman to be anything more than "just a friend." "So what?" you ask. I'll tell you what... that's how he and I got to be friends. I recognize the game being layed down. And now almost a year later, I realize that that's all it was. Game. Plain and simple. I fell for some game. For a split second (okay, for almost a year) I allowed myself to believe that this person actually liked me and that our friendship was mixed up in something a little more interesting and a lot more important. Yeah, right. So after thinking about that for a little while, I realized something - it's time to pull up my stakes and roll into the next town (figured I'd keep up the carnival references for all yall Southerners). I am so over being the part-time friend. The good time girl. The "I am so bored, so let's hang out" friend. Am I mad at him? No, I created this scenario. I allowed myself to be placed into that box, and more importantly, I have made no moves to get out of it. But enough is enough. I have friends. Not very many and not in a lot of places, but I have friends. Friends who care about my feelings and who actually realize when they've hurt them. Friends who want me to be happy and who work hard at making that a reality. I don't need any more "best friends in my head" (Wendy Williams-ism). I am 29 years old and I am tired of this bullshit. No more of this we argue today and then don't speak for a few days hoping that it will blow over and you won't have to discuss it anymore. No more of this I call you when I don't have anything better to do with my day. And definitely no more of this beautiful, intelligent woman who cares more about you than you do about her. Do I sound like I am trying to convince myself? I am. But I'm tired of crying over a man who doesn't give a damn about me. And I realied that while I was trying to deny it and doing everything I cold to avoid it, I kinda loved him. Not "I am so in love with you, let's get married and someday" kind of love, but I really do think that I loved him. Friends? Right. The only tears I have ever cried over my true friends are the ones that we've cried together. This man doesn't need me, and he realizes that. So why I am so late on the pick up? He has moved up to the 2007 model, and even though all the signs were there, I never saw it coming. So maybe over lunch, the two of you can talk about all kinds of things without the trouble of interpreting split verbs. Maybe she'll find you attractive and funny and the two of you will talk for hours in her car after the meal is over. And maybe, just maybe, if you're lucky she'll be so taken with you that she'll ignore the voice of her conscience that is screaming, "Are you crazy?" and she'll have sex with you in a few days. At any rate, enjoy your new life, old friend. I can't be your good time girl anymore.
H-A H-A H-A
It just occurred to me (after I stopped to wonder why I am still awake at 1:46 in the morning) that several things have struck me as being funny this week. Since I have such terrible short-term memory, I decided to write them down hopefully for yall's chuckling pleasure.
1. I was watching Def Comedy Jam, and this one comedian was messing with this man in the front. The man was rather uptight and he wasn't laughing at any of the jokes. So the comedian starts mocking him and saying, "I'm so smart. I don't have to laugh, I can spell it. H-A H-A H-A!!" (it was much funnier when I saw it on TV)
2. A corpus callotomy???? I was watching a commercial for this week's Grey's Anatomy (shut up, Jarrod - you keep mine, and I'll keep yours) when I heard Dr. McDreamy (what a dumb ass name) say that he was getting ready to perform a "corpus callotomy." I laughed out loud until I realized that it was real.
3. I was watching a rerun of My Name Is Earl, and Joy was upset that this Asian woman who lives next door was stealing her clients (she does nails). She called the lady Chinese, and Earl was correcting her, saying that he thought she was Vietnamese. Joy says, "I don't care of she's Chinese, Vietnamese, or Chucky Cheese, that bitch has gotta go!"
4. My chief resident was giving morning report today and he was updating us on this patient who has been around for a while. He says, "I don't think the patient is the problem. I think her husband is MSM on the DL." So this silly little Asian medical student says, "Did you say 'MSM?' What is that?" After we all stop laughing (it's a medical term that she should've known, just like STD or HIV), he says (very patiently), "MSM is men who have sex with men. You DO know what the 'DL' stands for, right?" She looked so perplexed that I could hardly stand it.
There's more, but like I said, my short term memory is the WORST.
1. I was watching Def Comedy Jam, and this one comedian was messing with this man in the front. The man was rather uptight and he wasn't laughing at any of the jokes. So the comedian starts mocking him and saying, "I'm so smart. I don't have to laugh, I can spell it. H-A H-A H-A!!" (it was much funnier when I saw it on TV)
2. A corpus callotomy???? I was watching a commercial for this week's Grey's Anatomy (shut up, Jarrod - you keep mine, and I'll keep yours) when I heard Dr. McDreamy (what a dumb ass name) say that he was getting ready to perform a "corpus callotomy." I laughed out loud until I realized that it was real.
3. I was watching a rerun of My Name Is Earl, and Joy was upset that this Asian woman who lives next door was stealing her clients (she does nails). She called the lady Chinese, and Earl was correcting her, saying that he thought she was Vietnamese. Joy says, "I don't care of she's Chinese, Vietnamese, or Chucky Cheese, that bitch has gotta go!"
4. My chief resident was giving morning report today and he was updating us on this patient who has been around for a while. He says, "I don't think the patient is the problem. I think her husband is MSM on the DL." So this silly little Asian medical student says, "Did you say 'MSM?' What is that?" After we all stop laughing (it's a medical term that she should've known, just like STD or HIV), he says (very patiently), "MSM is men who have sex with men. You DO know what the 'DL' stands for, right?" She looked so perplexed that I could hardly stand it.
There's more, but like I said, my short term memory is the WORST.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Soliciting All Internet Stalkers
Okay, I need yall's help. I am looking for a video of an old episode of Mad TV. I have been able to track down when it aired (2002, season six) and what the episode number was (#626). It's the one where they did the parody of Oprah's Book Club and she was BITCHIN the HELL out of Stedman (or "snacker on the side," as my friend and I like to call him). Please, please, PLEASE, if anone can find video of that skit, I would be FOREVER grateful. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen, and so far they haven't released Season Six on DVD. Thanks guys :)
I'm Still Here
I know I was being pretty diligent there for a while in posting every day when I was doing the Master Cleanse, and I have since fallen off. But I have had a lot of things on my plate and I just couldn't drum up the energy to add one more. However, I was pleasantly surprised this morning to note that I was on the LEFT side of 200 pounds when I got on the scale this morning - the first time I have weighed less than 200 since I moved here - YEAH!! Baby steps guys, baby steps ;)
Say a prayer for me when you have a spare minute; these last few days have been alot.
Say a prayer for me when you have a spare minute; these last few days have been alot.
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